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ive never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, and i dont think i have one. yet at least. im getting pretty close and the worst thing is that i almost desperately want ed
i just ate a lot, way too much, and i have to admit ive never wanted to use laxatives or try throwing up the food as much as right now, i feel completely disgusting and repulsive
Hello there @neibolt how are you today? 
I am so sorry to hear about how you are feeling. 
How long have you felt that you "almost desperately want" an eating disorder? I can assure you that you are not disgusting or repulsive with the way you are feeling. These feelings can be normal when you are struggling with an eating disorder, and they can consume you, however, we are all here for you on 7Cups and especially in this community!
Have you considered talking to someone close to you about how you feel and reaching out to seek support? I can understand how scary it can be to reach out, but you will feel so much more better once you reach out to someone and explain to them how you feel.
We have some excellent listeners here on 7Cups that can lead you an ear if you wish and help you through your journey. You can either reach out to a listener here or you are more than free to message me and talk about how you are feeling. 
@Raspberrycheesecake honestly i
Okay how can I help
