Space to talk about your loved one
Hey lovelies, I hope you are all doing well!
Today I wanted to give you all a space to talk about your person.
I don't know if you have noticed but other people sometimes get weird after someone dies! And I totally get it, we don’t know what to say, but in an effort to not wanting to bring up emotions, they never bring up the person that has passed and it can be awkward to bring it up yourself. Now everyone's experience is different, but for some, including me, I want to keep my dad and friends' memories alive. I don't want to forget them. There are times that I want to talk about them, to share their name, how much I love and miss them, and to talk about who they are as a person. Not everyone has a person or a safe place where they feel comfy talking about their person.
So here is your safe space. Tell us about your person. If you are feeling stuck here are some questions to get you started! Pick three! Or answer as many as you would like:
❤️ What was your person's name?
🧡 What activities did you enjoy doing together?
💛 What's your favorite memory of your person?
💚 What were they like?
💙 What were their favorite foods?
💜 What did they believe/ care about most?
❤️ What was something they were really good at?
🧡 What do you miss most about your person?
💛 What is something they taught you that you still carry with you?
💚 What were their favorite songs, books, or movies?
💙 How did your person die?
💜 What were your last moments together like?
❤️ Is there anything you wish you told them?
🧡 How was your favorite day spent together?
💛 How would you describe their personality in three words?
💚 If you could spend one more day with them what would you do?
💙 What has been the hardest part of living without them?
💜 What do you love most about your person?
@CaringEzra This is such a beautiful and thoughtful initiative. Offering a safe space to talk about loved ones is so important. Thank you for creating this space 💜
@Mya000
Thanks mya, hope you have lovely day ahead <3
@CaringEzra
❤️ What was your person's name?
They're H & M
🧡 What activities did you enjoy doing together?
Chatting, listening, talking, connecting. Being heard and making them feel heard.
💛 What's your favorite memory of your person?
I have so many. I journaled about them a lot, so I know all those stories are in there. I got screenshots too. But I can't really go there, can't read back to them... it would hurt too much <3
💚 What were they like?
Precious. Exceptional. They had warm, golden hearts. They cared about others so much more than they cared about themselves.
💙 What were their favorite foods?
Sushi. Pancakes. One of them actually liked everything.
💜 What did they believe/ care about most?
About each other, I guess. They loved each other SO much.
❤️ What was something they were really good at?
Playing instruments, cooking, listening, talking sense into you, understanding everything, being nonjudgmental, wanting to help, wanting to talk, giving advice.
🧡 What do you miss most about your person?
Just them being around. Us talking. Feeling connected. The way they always kept trying.
💛 What is something they taught you that you still carry with you?
Don't make assumptions ABOUT someone, talk WITH them instead and ask questions. They taught me how to really care about someone. They made me believe in love and relationships again.
💚 What were their favorite songs, books, or movies?
One loved ALL existing kinds of music, the other loved ALL existing kinds of books... and movies.
💙 How did your person die?
I have no idea if they're actually dead... or if something else happened so they vanished.
💜 What were your last moments together like?
Not good. One of them told me a friend of them had died and they've been all over the place lately. The other didn't say much the last time we talked.
❤️ Is there anything you wish you told them?
How much they meant to me. That they're on my mind all the time, that I really wanna treat them right. That I do care about them, about their needs and feelings. That I wish I was the person they could turn to when things are rough.
🧡 How was your favorite day spent together?
Laughing, joking around. No stress, no worries, no hard feelings... just living in the moment and enjoying it with all we got.
💛 How would you describe their personality in three words?
Caring. Introverted. Self-loathing.
Selfless. In-need-of-positivity. Loving.
💚 If you could spend one more day with them what would you do?
Just one more good conversation. Talk about everything we had no chance to talk about, get rid of all misunderstandings and conflicts in between us, ending things on good terms, knowing we really love each other.
💙 What has been the hardest part of living without them?
Missing them 24/7 like a part of my heart got ripped off. Losing the center of my life and trying to find a new purpose although nothing can get close to what we had.
💜 What do you love most about your person?
I just love them. Including everything. I love them for who they are, for making me feel like we were soulmates. For teaching me what it's like to find one's home, the place where you belong... to really feel connected with someone, like they're your better half, like they complete you. I love them for never judging anyone for anything, for their ability to accept everything, for their will to connect and stay connected and work through everything.
Thank you... this made me cry... but it also makes me feel how much I love them. So, thank you. <3
@bestBanana7981
hey banana, thank you so much for sharing about your people, that was very brave and vulnerable of you to share, its not easy to talk about our loved ones, H and M sound like lovely sweet people and that you have some good memories with them. oh love im sorry that you dont know what happened to them, that is so challenging. that must be taking toll on you, sounds like you care about them alot. they will always hold special place in your heart and in your life. grief can leave us feelings so lost, and not complete with out them, sending good thoughts your way, you are not alone through this, we are right here with you
@CaringEzra
Hey.... thank you for your kind words.
It's really like "You don't know what you got til it's gone". But at the same time I'm glad I'm here and I can share things and people understand all this. <3
I agree banana, loss is not something you can really ever prepare for. But think since experainceing grief am more mindful about my relationships, and making sure people know they are loved and cared about, as well as just being grateful for the things I do have.
I really appreciate you being here, you matter, and we love seeing you here. thank you friend <3
So brave. So so brave. Bless you friend.
I did it in my journal first, but I can share snippets.
Okay
What was she like?
Caring, comforting, reassuring
What did she believe?
Christian beliefs
What is something she was really good at?
Letting me talk
What do you miss most about your person?
Asking her for advice
Telling her about my life
What do you love most about your person?
How comforting she is
There you go.
@GreenLime3141 hey green
thanks so much for sharing some of your journal entry. Julia sounds like such a lovely person that you care so much about. she sounds like someone who really listened and took time to be there with you, you must miss them dearly. I know it can be really hard to talk about someone you have lost, so I really appreiacte you being here, you are not alone through this,
@CaringEzra Thank you for creating this space. I'll give it some thought before I post my answers.
- Person's Name: I just use the word for Grandma in Cantonese, that refer's to my mum's mum.
- Favorite Memory: I could never forget the time Grandma came to visit us in Canada from Hong Kong during my Elementary years. The places we went to the day we saw her being driven away with a golf-cart like transport vehicle at the airport. Since she did not know English and she walked with a limp, we had the help from airport staff to take her to her Gate.
- What were they like: Grandma was always cheerful, full of laughter, can be very talkative, definitely the extrovert type of person.
- How did they pass away: A month before she left, my uncle (Grandma's daughter's husband), apparently had a huge argument with her. Which caused her blood pressure to rocket and showed signs of a heart attack. Although she was discharged a week later, she was re-admitted when she talked about wanting to jump from a building. Afterwards, she had been in-and-out of the hospital, as there were times where she felt out-of-breath. At the age of 95, her doctor does not suggest heart surgery. So, she passed away in her sleep on July 31st at 1:14am (Hong Kong time).
- Spend one more day with her: It will include lots of hugs, and take her places, eat good food, and take more pictures of us.
@CaringEzra
@Jaeteuk
Hey jae thanks so much for being here and sharing about your grandma. she sounds like a lovely and amazing person full of kindness and light, I am so sorry that she was in hospital alot at the end. can imagine you miss her dearly, here for you jae, kindness/comfort beams your way
Thank you, Ezra.
There was another sudden death last December, my Uncle. Dad's older brother. Since Grandma passed away first, seeing my Uncle suddenly passing, I experienced grief differently. I think with my Uncle, it was more heartbreaking than the sadness I felt with Grandma. With my Uncle, we were never that close, and the memories with my cousins, were those only when I was in preschool. But it was a whole different experience, because with Uncle, my entire family flew back to Hong Kong and going through the whole funeral process.. I say it's more heartbreaking, because of how much crying I saw amongst my dad and Aunt.. My Aunt is the eldest, she and my cousin also flew to Hong Kong from Canada too. It was just unexpected, as Uncle passed away from a stroke, rather than the cancer that his doctor says was clear after treatment.
@CaringEzra
Thank you, I think the past December was the most difficult time to pass.. with two passings within 5 months.. both unexpected, with the different impact.. It was definitely a lot to take in..
I recently returned to work, but working only 3 days a week, and increasing my hours every two weeks.. I've been telling some colleagues why I had had been away.. some of them didn't notice that I had been away for 6 months.. so, for those who noticed, I told them the truth.. but kept it simple.. just said I had to deal with two passings in the family..
But it's difficult to explain how my brain stopped working and is now struggling to "re-start".. that's why I need more time to ease back into work.
@CaringEzra
That sounds incredibly difficult, and I can only imagine how much you’ve been carrying these past months. Grief has such a profound way of affecting not just our emotions but also our ability to think, focus, and even function in day-to-day life. It makes so much sense that you’re easing back into work at your own pace, giving yourself that time and grace is so important.
It must feel weird (not the right word) to have some people not notice your absence while others do, and I can see how sharing just enough but not too much would feel like the right balance. You don’t owe anyone a deep explanation unless you want to share it. I hope you continue to be gentle with yourself as you navigate returning to work and all. You have been through so much, and healing isn’t something that happens on a set timeline.
you’re doing the best you can, and that is more than enough.
But you know, there's something that always seem to bother me for when I do tell some colleagues a deeper explanation (especially to those who know about my Grandma passing), that they always ask me what my relationship with her or my uncle was, if we were close.. To me, it seems like they are questioning my reaction with the grief.. like, in their eyes, if I'm not super close with the person, I shouldn't be affected with their passing this greatly.. It's frustrating, so I tend to say that I have good memories of them.
@CaringEzra
oh my gosh I have heard that a lot too! and its so annoying! you are allowed to grieve no matter what your relationship is with them. how "close" you are does not valid someones grief or make grief any less. its a very dismissive question. Im sorry that you have experienced this :/
I like your picture.
”Love wins” How true!
And I have always loved rainbows and still do.
@GreenLime3141 thanks so much green (:
You’re welcome.
I’m gonna do this pencil and paper in my journal. Thanks for the prompts.
It was painful (hurt), scary, but also good.
@GreenLime3141
starting to talk about our loved ones can be scary and have a wide range of emotions, and that is okie and normal, we are here with you, I appreciate you being here
Thank you Ezra
Okay her name is Julia.
@GreenLime3141 hey green
thanks so much for sharing your persons name. Julia is a really pretty name, here for you
Well she is downright beautiful, so yeah. It is a pretty name.
