Struggling with Low Professional Self-Esteem
Hi! I am new to 7 Cups but I joined recently because I have been dealing with a lot of different mental health issues. One thing I have been struggling a lot with is self-esteem when it comes to my professional/educational worth. I have been dealing with a lot of feelings of imposter syndrome in my job that I have right now, despite being supported by awesome leadership.
The reason that I am posting to this thread is because I am also a college student and would like to take on a summer internship this summer, but I recently had a bad experience a couple of months ago with a prior internship. The boss and I did not communicate in the same style at all, and I was often scrutinized heavily for my work. I am grateful to have a boss now at my actual job who can give constructive criticism instead of just tearing me down.
But the problem is that I want to grow my professional experience, which is why I want to take on a summer internship alongside my current job. I am just feeling as though every internship is going to be like the one that I had a couple of months ago with the harsh boss.
Those experiences I think are why I am struggling so much with my self image professionally. I felt as though I was treated as less than. The boss definitely had a superiority complex, and for that reason he did not feel that he needed to treat anybody with any type of kindness.
I hope I don’t sound like I am being too sensitive and like I can’t take feedback. This boss really actually was at a different level when it came to offering suggestions or corrections and now it just feel like my work isn’t good enough and like I am not good enough to get another internship.
Does anyone have any advice on how to heal from workplace trauma, a.k.a. unkind bosses? Or any advice on how to realize that my professional worth doesn’t come from only one situation?
Because I am young and a college student, I don’t have a lot of professional experience yet, which I also think contributes to my feelings of inferiority when it comes to the professional world. I really don’t know where else to turn right now so that’s why I’m posting this here. Any advice that you may have is greatly appreciated🫶🏻
@toughIdea9215
Hello. It sad to hear about your situation - especially if you may have to make an uneasy choice between working with a toxic boss and cancelling your internship this summer.
I believe there is no "magic shield" that could work against harsh, rude bosses, except... improving your self-esteem by working with a therapist and/or reading some course books.
Unfortunately, the best (and smallest) book I know about improving self-esteem wasn't written in English, so I can't recommend any specific book titles.
Is there any way for you to know earlier who would be your superior at the internship this year? Is this still the same person? If the answer is "yes", your resigning could be not just an escape, but an act of self-care.
May I also ask: What makes this harsh person influence your emotional well-being so much? Is he or she behaving like someone who hurt you before? Is this person some way similar to any other bad-tempered authorities from your previous life?
I think it can be important to notice that bosses being rude might not at all be about you personally. Sometimes they might be traumatised people, who e.g. struggle with their alcohol addiction or family issues (that's highly unprofessional to let your marriage troubles shape your behaviour at work, but it happens).
I remember one of my previous bosses who was as rude as to abruptly disconnect my phone conversation with a customer, because he had something urgent to talk about with me (and it turned out to be no emergency at all).
Once he offended me in front of a client, telling things that suggested I could be a lazy, immature and irresponsible person. Talking one-to-one I told him I don't accept such words, in calm, but very firm way. He seemed really puzzled! It's been years, but still I wonder how I was able to tell him that 😆
Several weeks later I learnt my boss had some stomach health issues, and that was one of the reasons he had worse and better days. Nevertheless, I admired myself for working three years with this guy.
My parents were harsh, because their both had a parent who were harsh (a WWII Eastern Front veteran and a single mom with seven kids). So that is how it comes from one generation to another...
I hope my story might help you to explore some new views or ideas 😊
@toughIdea9215
As you say you are starting out in your career of course perhaps the first person leading an internship you come across is like this and it has shook you to question your skills.
The situation is we all have some people we will come across in work or life that are not supportive or we just do not get along with period. I have not had a work place without at least one of this type.. If not boss, a co-worker who wanted to put others down to make them look like they were better.
Do not let it hold you back but instead be ready if another internship leader is not what you expect. Learning to pivot and react is one of the greatest skills many people have to learn. it shows growth and ability to be able to work with difficult people just as well as others.
