On setting up boudaries
There are many ways of setting boudaries and everyon masters its own if they are lucky... not everyone is in a situation where they feel comfortable to put boundaries.
Which one is your style and more importantly, do you consider moving away from an uncomfortable situation a valid way of putting boundaries?
Let's open a discussion :)
@Aputik due to disabilities it's really hard for me to set certain boundries I live in a care home, and I can't shower or get dressed by myself, I need help for most things. It's embarrassing and triggering on times but I can't do nothing about that
however some boundaries are in place, like if I need my alone time, or in upset. Then my carers back off till I'm ready. So that's good😁 on 7 cups I am slowly learning to say no to people if it becomes to much for me 💖
@Tinywhisper11 , I'm sorry you're in this position but I'm glad you're mastering the boundaries that you can control and that you can actually do something about. Your carees seem to be respectful of your boundaries as well, which is great! How do you say "no" to people?
@Aputik if a relationship goes one way were I need to act like their therapist, that's when I slowly start to back off. Sometime s you can only handle so much💖
True! Everytime we're listening to ohers we're investing time and effort. We also need our rest and recharge :)
@Phoenixthepoised, being open and clear is great! It dissipates confusion and it solves or even prevents larger problems. I find that sometimes, however, this is a lost cause. Sometimes you have someone unreasonable at the other. Othertimes, you would have to disclose private information to clarify things. There are valid reasons to step away but it may be perceived as cowardy. It feels like, in the yes of others, I should have or could have done something more and then it becomes ultimately my fault rather than life circumstances. I'm sometimes conflicted about this and I wonder how do people deal with that...
I like how you describe it as a "gentle but powerful way to protect your space". Injust worry that sometimes is perceived in a way that devalues ones worth.
For me, it brings self-doubt... Could I have done something? Should I? Did I miss something? So it can affect my aelf worth.
I see two ways of handling this:
1) ultimately you have to put boundaries, (one more time!), to people that judge the stepping away behaviour. Send the message that there're some battles that aren't worth fighting for. ;)
2) Putting perspective, it helps minimize the problem and have a bit of a laugh as well cultivating self-compassion.
Good discussions @Phoenixthepoised !!
Nicely said, we need to pick our battles. And when we choose to step away we will be told we're cowards (there's always someone). It's good to remind us why this is a battle that wasn't worth fighting for and which ones are actually worth our time and efforts. 😌
@Aputik Exactly, not every battle is worth fighting and sometimes the strength lies in knowing that!
@Phoenixthepoised, love it! that's the stength, so true!!
