Self-Harm Awareness Week: A Letter of Self-Kindness

@ASilentObserver 

Trigger warning:

I've had a couple of days of eeyore syndrome, and that's ok you can't always fight through depression alone, it's ok to talk to your friends and ask for some support 💖 it's not your fault you have a broken spine, missing limbs and burns and whip marks all over you🙁 and it's ok to be embarrassed by how you look, you are not a freak, although you often think you are. On the days where the memories won't leave you alone and the screams haunt your mind you have to be extra kind to yourself, you deserve it. Take a break, cry and scream if you want to, but always remind yourself that you are safe and happy now. And on the days like today just remember brighter days are coming💖 keep love, kindness and gratitude in your heart cause that's who you are💖💖 gives myself a giant tiny hug🙂

@ASilentObserver

Dear me,

You can stop apologizing to your child self. You haven't failed them, you haven't broken them beyond repair. You are exactly who you need to be and where you need to be at this moment. Despite the misguided self-isolation and the pain that caused, despite starving yourself, despite all those times you literally screamed and cried for help but no one helped you- it's not that you weren't lovable or not deserving of help. You DID belong and there was nothing wrong with you from the start, no matter how much judgement you felt heaped on your shoulders. You never needed to destroy yourself in order to be worthy of love. People won't abandon you just because you aren't in need anymore.

You wanted to kick your own bucket, you went through so much pain in those hospitals- there isn't a line that you have crossed that makes you unredeemable. You are still just as good. Even though you've hurt yourself so much and you have so many scars and all the alcohol and the tears and the screaming- I understand you. Even if no one else understands you, I'm here. 

@ASilentObserver   It's sad how at a young age people (especially girls) suddenly become aware of their physical appearance and try to start changing themselves, comparing, judging, and feeling like they're not enough. I had relatives that would constantly talk about their weight and encourage others to lose weight or shame people. I was aware of it because others were aware of it and then I felt self-conscious for no reason and started trying to eat less or exercise more when I wasn't even overweight (exercise is a good thing, but feeling like I wasn't enough was bad). I didn't feel pretty because I didn't care about that, I thought everyone looked unique and did their own thing. So I'm sad that so many people around me were so judgemental and insecure because they passed it on to me, but I know that they just need help around that and so do I. And I wish I took more photos of myself as a kid (I take lots of myself as a teen now though :D) because I would've looked super cute and pretty and it would be so nice to look at them now. I also wish I continued to do my own thing and didn't develop an inferiority complex or constantly judge + compare the people around me but I'm working on it, and hopefully healing my inner child. So yeahhh .w.

@ASilentObserver

Dear, Me

I want you to know that it is okay to make mistakes. You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to know everything, and you don't have to be the "strong one".
I want you to know that it is okay, to fail, to cry, to scream to be lost. It is okay to break down.
I want you to know that the time of quiet distress is over, you can let go.

You can let go of being the mother to your mother, the mother to your sibling, the protector of your family. You can let go of consistently sacrificing yourself, your mind, your wants, and your needs for the betterment of those around you. You can let go now. It is, O-KAY!

Let go of the burden, let go! Let the *** open wounds on your hands finally heal.

Know that I am here, I am your friend, I love you and I always be with you.
Know that you will always be enough to me and nothing you do or say will ever separate us.
I know you have years and years of pain stored up in your heart. But look, you're here!
You've made it. You've reached out. You're getting help.

Keep moving forward, looking ahead. Keep dreaming of a better life more fulfilling life.
It's never too late. You'll do it, you'll make it, somehow I know you will. I believe in you. I am your biggest supporter.

I love you

Dear Swan, 

I know in the past, when you were just [my given name] and no matter how hard you tried, you obviously could never ante-up, no one in your family ever seemed pleased by your efforts, and you weren't allowed to friends outside the family, you felt as if it was your fault-after all, who's responsibility was it to be sure you measured up to their expectations? Yours, of course, nobody else could do the job for you. And, as your father continually reminded you: "No daughter of mine would do that; no daughter of mine would be that stupid; no daughter of mine would be such a disappointment/embarrassment to her own family." He also continually reminded you that you were lucky he was such a nice guy because you deserved a good beating but since he was 'nice' he wouldn't do it. So you beat yourself, that way you could release the debilitating guilt you felt at being someone he would not want around him, especially around his friends and neighbors who had 'perfect' sons and daughters. The guilt and regret would eat at you, crushing your chest, and making you feint...until you took your just punishment, then you could move on with your life...and try to do better. 

You didn't fully realize the fact that you were an unwanted "surprise." But you always had an inkling that there was some sort of resentment constantly ebbing and tiding in both of your parents. Now, your mother has finally enlightened you to the fact that she was diagnosed as barren and after she and your father had firmly established their life of adventures as a twosome, when you came into the picture, it ruined their lives and cost them money. At least you know now. Now you can deal with the negative energy you felt throughout your life. You can stop trying to make yourself as small and unassuming as possible. You can stop giving up any but the most necessary things in order to make yourself less of a burden to everyone. 

Now, you have grown older, your dad has passed. And, notably, you even felt guilt because at the time he got Alzheimers, you were busy working two jobs and raising your children. Once again, you disappointed him. But he has passed, and you have grown in wisdom. You realize that his expectations of you had more to do with him than it did with your shortcomings as a daughter, and as a young lady. I know you wish now that you could go back and reclaim those years, to relive them without the guilt and punishment cycle that so limited your life at the time, but you can't. All you can do at this point is start from scratch, and take care of yourself the way you wish your parents would have cared for you. Today it begins, today you will take a good, loving look at your inner child, realize what a treasure she actually was, the miracle of her even being born, kiss her on the forehead, and open the door to your heart for her to enter, and to live there from now on. 

Love, your person

Thank you everyone for your letters. I really felt very honoured to read them.

Dear Admirablerainbow,

I know that you have been going through a really tough and difficult time. It has been really challenging to overcome these difficult feelings in fact. You have been trying to get things done though they may seem difficult to do at first. It might have felt a bit burdening to carry the pain. But it is okay to not feel okay. That's completely normal. In fact, everybody has been going through some difficult situation or another. Why don't you help others? That can also have a chance of ending your suffering.

Suffering is good. Suffering will bring happiness at the end. I know that it is difficult at the beginning. But I am sure you will get the hang of it as time passes. I know that you feel anxious about your future. But look at it this way. Isn't what you are going to do in the future for others and not for yourself. Isn't that wonderful. That sound so exciting. Stop focusing on just your suffering. Expand it. Look at what are others going through. Help them.

You are worthy of kindness and compassion. You are worthy of love. You are capable of doing things. Nothing is impossible. You can do this.

Admirablerainbow

@ASilentObserver. I don’t personally deal with self-harm, but if life had a “hard mode” setting, I think we’d all agree that some days feel like they’re stuck on it.

So, I’m writing this letter, for you, for me, for anyone who needs to hear it, and for people like @Tealphotog, who reminds us that healing is real, even when it feels impossible.

Dear You,

I know life isn’t always easy. Some days, even getting out of bed feels like running a marathon with no finish line in sight. Maybe your mind gets loud, throwing doubts and worries at you like a terrible DJ playing all the wrong songs. Maybe you feel like you’re carrying a weight no one else can see.

But please, hear me when I say this: You are not broken. You are not a burden. You are human, and being human means having both good days and the kind where even your socks feel like they’re betraying you.

The world needs you, not just the “put-together” version of you, but the real, imperfect, messy, wonderful you. Even if you can’t see your worth right now, I promise it’s there. And I hope you remember that healing isn’t about being happy all the time; it’s about learning to be kinder to yourself, even on the hard days!

So if today is tough, I hope you give yourself the same patience you’d give a friend. You deserve that kindness. You always have, And always will! 

Lots of love ❤️

Dear me

For the first time i'm gonna write a poem dedicated to you... (and if anyone else happens to read this then here is a tw)

I know you feel a-lot 

but let yourself feel everything you have got

stop trying to numb the pain

you know substances can't fix your brain

you know that blade won't help you feel sane

don't drown yourself like that again

the fact that you're scared of the future 

doesn't mean it's gonna be torture 

you can learn to fly

and not in the way you thought you had to say goodbye 

you can learn to fly in life

and not use a knife

not drown yourself in a drink

not look at yourself in the mirror eyes all narrow and pink 

you can learn to feel and think

and be happy to breathe and blink 

i know you feel scared

and like you have failed

but no grades or words define you

only you do 

don't give up on yourself because at the end of the day 

you are your own worst enemy 

or the best friend anyone could ever be 

@ASilentObserver

Trigger warning

Dear me,

You may think that there is always dark and that you will never be good enough but there is always going to be darkness before light. You are good enough. I'm glad you stopped self harm. I'm so grateful that you found peace. I understand that you go through many things and have many thoughts but at the end of the day nothing matters because your still here on earth. You are loved and don't let anybody make you think that your not. You are a survivor of many things. Your friends and family may not do anything to help you but your still so deeply loved by them. Don't let anybody ruin your life. The scars on your wrist and the burns on your legs remind you of the past but you still fought to quit. You cry a lot when nobody is watching and it's okay! Sometimes we all need to cry when we can't keep it in anymore. I love you and You will survive in the dark. <3