Slowly realizing/ admitting this not just a “bad habit”
TW: SH
Hello, I know that title may sound like it’s not “real” SH, but please believe me, it is. It is closely related to stress & anxiety. Even when it hurts I have a hard time stopping. I am not sure how to talk about this without talking about the method. I don’t think I have fully admitted to myself its SH, but everything points to that. I am feeling ashamed, embarrassed, scared, and lost. I a hoping to find coping methods & support here.
@TealPhotog It's really brave of you to share this, and I want you to know that you're not alone in this. It's okay to feel the way you're feeling ashamed, embarrassed, scared because these feelings are part of the journey, but they don’t define you. The fact that you’re looking for help and coping methods shows strength. We’re here for you, and we can work through this together. It’s important to be kind to yourself, and take things one step at a time. You deserve all the care and love, and there are ways to start building healthier coping mechanisms. You don’t have to go through this alone, and there’s no rush to “have it all figured out.” Hang in there!! Seeking help itself shows how brave you are!! With time and efforts, you’ll overcome this!!
Thank you. This means so much!
I think I will use this thread to monitor my “clean” days. For now, it’s been 6 hours.😞 time to draw new butterflies. 🦋
@TealPhotog
Hello, Here is a butterfly I drew for my previous caseworker
I'd love to see your sketches and drawings :-)
@juliak1968 that is beautiful! I will try to figure out how to post pics here soon :)
@TealPhotog
Click Reply to any message and this box will appear, then click the circled icon that looks like a frame, and you will be able to choose any file you want to add to the post.
Blessings, Day
SEE PICTURE
@juliak1968 got it thank you! I don’t really pay attention to those icons. Lol
@TealPhotog
Happy to help :-)
@juliak1968 I normally just do a quick one with a temporary tattoo marker on my arm so I can see it. This one has faded a bit :) once I am 7 days clean I will use a stencil to help create a more detailed butterfly. Do need to get back to sketching though. I am not the best at drawing but I have fun with it :)
@TealPhotog
I drew a heart shape there once to remind myself to love myself enough to give myself good self-care.
You are on your way to learning better what makes us who we are, and when we learn more about ourselves, our needs, and address those with focus and effort, it will all work out - I promise!~
One day clean. I catch myself starting to because depression, overwhelm & anxiety have been high, but with effort ( and wanting to keep my butterfly) I have not.
@TealPhotog yay!! One day is a huge achievement for now!! Baby stepps! Go you!!!!! :)
Thank you for celebrating with me!
Well, almost made it 2 Days but got thinking of a really difficult situation and the next thing I knew, I needed to raise a new butterfly. The disappointment in myself doesn’t help.
Definitely was not a good day today in regards to this issue. But I did learn it is 100% stress related. The more stress I was under, the more I kept repeating the habit. I need to find a better way to deal with stress/ anxiety in the moment it is happening. Any ideas?
@TealPhotog maybe try smn like Yoga, meditation and all. I think those helps in managing stress and also when you feel under pressure, take a break and do smn you love. You deserve all the love and care🩷.
I made it most of the day till about 7:30…
@TealPhotog yess!! Hang in there😌🫶🏻
@TealPhotog I am not sure if this is helpful information or not. I struggled with this for many years. I was taking my emotional pain and moving it into physical pain. I went to therapy to cope with my emotional pain and overcome the SH. I tried many different things to get myself to stop even getting a tattoo on my arm to prevent myself from ruining the beautiful art. It wasn't until I found motivation, strength, and a support system that allowed me to not fall into the same tendencies. If you haven't already you could try journaling your feelings, find a hobby that brings you happiness, surround yourself with others who love and care about you. Maybe finding a different way to express your emotions may help you. I found music, podcasts, drawing, and spending time with my children have helped. I've learned coping skills to help and a good therapist. I hope this helps. Just know you are not alone and your feelings are valid. One thing I tell others who have SH that it only helps in the moment to only later be a constant reminder of a bad period of your life. It bothers me when people see my scars and I have to relive that all over again when I have to explain.
Thank you it is helpful, even just knowing someone else has been through this & made it the other side. Some of this I already have in place, the main thing missing now is the therapist. But that will have to wait till I can afford it.
Made it most of the day, then got stressed, again. I need to start figuring out what my stress triggers really are, I thought I knew…
well… flashbacks don’t help a *** thing!
I actually made it through today cleanly.
@TealPhotog hey sorry, I couldn’t check in on you for a a few days, How’s your progress going now, I’m glad to see that You’ve gone 2 days clean😌🩷
nothing to be sorry about. The last couple of days I have not been as bad, but still not completely clean. If that makes sense. I guess that is still some progress though 🤷♀️ thank you for checking in with me! 🩷
@TealPhotog yk People talk a lot about those who leave, the ones that couldn’t take it anymore, the ones whose pain became too much that they wanted to end this cycle of pain, They are LOVED, REMEMBERED, And MISSED
BUT we OFTEN underlook The ones that STAY!
The ones who wakes up everyday and carry the burden of their own mind, whose skins and heart both carries Scars, Each scar a reminder of their battle against themselves. These are the ones That have been in the sane darkness as ones who decides to end it, yet here they are Resisting the same urge to escape, but instead of escaping they stay and endure
@Sunshinexdaisy Some people paint their pain with words, some with Music or art, and some ppl with their own skin, trying to make the invisible pain visible.