We're a DID system. Are you?
Hi, we're seeking support from others, mostly another system, ideally close to our body age (34). We really can't find a space to talk with other traumagenic systems/those who live with DID. We've tried some forums but so many are outdated and barely seeing posts. Reddit and *** feel overwhelming with non-traumagenic plurality, which we don't want support from (or to get caught in a debate about).
@moonphasesystem not sure why *** became asterisks.
@moonphasesystem
if it's a name of a social usually tends to censor it (idk why)
@moonphasesystem
we are but older then you as far as body as body just turned 55yr. we have a big system due to both childhood abuse and being abused as adult too. we after 47yr of abuse many types we got free living in different city then family. it hard to find others with DID who can relate to us. due to trauma was many types. over a long time.
@stormieandpaws
So nice to meet you, we and us. the system. I am not a system, but I was recently diagnosed with Dissociation and Alters. % known alters but this has been all new to me and I have made little to no progress even in therapy. I am 73 and have told my story for years and years only to finally find out what was going on in my head. I don't know if I can be of any help to you, but I welcome you as a friend. I am sure you can be of help to me in understanding the process. I would love you to keep interacting with me. I look forward to hearing from you❤️😊
@WorkingitThrough2
hi yes i am the birth one hold the birth name when i was expecting my youngest child and only son. my two girls both looked like me when i was a child. they was around 2yr and 4yr old when brother was born. so they believe that what triggered the others within to start making themselves known to me. at first it was only 1 alter then another slowly others came out. i thought i was going crazy hearing voices within. due to having no health coverage normally. only did when expecting kids. i had no were to turn also know nothing about mental health help. so could not really made since of what was going on. after son was born things got worst not better. i also we living with a abusive hubby at time. but did not know what he was doing was abuse as it what my dad always did to my mom. also know no way out of marriage. was that marriage was to be forever. so after son was born my oldest child who never slept was also getting worst. headstart had us have her tested. they said she was ADHD and we started her on meds. for Christmas i got a computer. remember the dial up internet lol that what we had. this was in dec 1998. went online trying to find help the flashbacks and voices in my head got very bad. we also was dealing with CPS so lots going on.
the computer opened a whole new world to me. i found a website called personal help. two wonderful caring people. both were counselor and one know a lot about DID. well my alters started coming out to them and well that was the start of our healing. we lost our 3 kids and year later lost parental rights. still was getting no help offline for mental health related things. even within year my kids were in forster care. i was offered no help for my mental state but it was used angest me. so it was shortly after we learned about community mental health and we started going there but got little to no help. first DX was depressions and borderline personality disorder. when my hubby went away with national guards overseas. i found a place in FL that delt with disassociation and used the back pay from getting my SSI and the military health coverage to go there. spent 3 weeks there on camera 24/7 other then in bathroom. that when was DX with DID also first real help we got offline. but when went home the psych at community mental health tore the report up. he said he did not believe in DID and if it was true it was rare and i did not have it. so no treatment for DID other then online.
well after hubby came home from overseas he stated only way i get out of marriage was death. he said that many times even before losing kids. so one night when he was working. we ran away in the night. was scary but only way to get free we know. due to CMH was pushing us on him and believing him. he was trying to get us put in adult foster care. but after spending weekend in homeless shelter. we end up in ER for a bad coping thing we used at time. they end up sending us back to abusive parents home. seemed no one believed us about the abuse. but online we found a lot of help and was being taught how to communicate with each other. we started by leaving notes out and asking questions. that was first step in me getting to know my alters. we have very very big system. it was over time doing healing work. that we became aware of all in our system. most help we got was online. but after moving to city parents in. we was believed about some of the abuse. but still being pushed on our mom. told she was best support we had. but that was lie. she know how to acted around others to seem like a great mom and person. dad hates people and mom told everyone how he was. many wanted her to leave him. she would not.
so it been over 20yrs since we started our healing journey. it never been easy at all. but now i no longer lose time and have coping skills that are healthy mostly. do now have on paper offline the DX of DID, bipolar, social anxiety, and few others. physical health not good so many health DXs and meds.
but true freedom can on may 17 2017 when we moved away from family and home town. we for first time in life 100% free of daily abuse. we still healing have help both on and offline now. we believed about the abuse also about how mom is and he games she plays too.
hope this not to long to read and we left out a lot too. but want you to know one can heal and have better life. sounds like your just starting your healing journey and well got a DX that seem to fit too. another thing is if in end you have alters you not know about yet. please be kind to them and remember they came to help you not harm you. they are parts of you that split off you to help you when there was no one that wanted to.
@stormieandpaws
OMG, bless you, my dear. I am so sorry that your life has been so hard, and good help is still a problem for me. I truly thank you for sharing your story with me; I am so glad that you also got away from the abusive husband. So sorry that you lost the children.
I had been diagnosed with so many conditions that proved wrong. Now, in 2023, I was told that I have Dissociative disorder. But I have had one person with me from the beginning of my incest at age 4. I have had her, and she always would take my place, and I would be in the air looking down at what was happening to my body. I did not understand or know anything about this ability to separate from myself; this was what they called dissociation. Last year, I had another person come forth, and he told me his name. He told me he was nonverbal, yet he was talking to me and even told me his age and how to spell his name. He also said that he was the guardian of the little ones, ever that meant. I have been experiencing to Whispers who come close enough to look out my eyes and then they step back it is a male and a female and that is all I know about them, There is two people male and female that have been asking questions of me and I have been answering them but when I come to myself I have no memerance of what they said nor my answer to them. I never knew that I lost time til recently. I like to go into this trans like state and can be there for an hour or longer.
My Therapist was able for a short time to connect to two of the insiders. However, it feels so real and yet so imaginary that I am still struggling with acceptance and the fact that nobody caught this sooner. I am old now, and to find out now at this stage in life would be extremely hard. As the old saying goes, You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
This is a new journey for me, and yes, I am afraid of all this even though I realize they say they were there for my protection. It still frightens me that they are there and have been there for a long while. I accept, and then I change my mind because it feels so unreal, like my imagination running wild.
I would love to keep talking with you, maybe if you don't mind helping me with learning how to work through all this. Dissociation may not be the same as DID, but I do have alters, or I call them insiders; at least 4 known.
@WorkingitThrough2
thank you thought tell our story might help you some and yes it hard to accepted. i had same issue as you are with accepting and then not believing they was real. so been told that normal too. to help you this is what DID is
In mental health, "DID" stands for "Dissociative Identity Disorder," which is a condition where a person experiences two or more distinct identities or personality states, often stemming from severe childhood trauma; previously known as "Multiple Personality Disorder."
so DID is a form of dissociation. the line goes day dreaming , PTSD, borderline personality disorder then DID. but others on it too. so they all forms of disassociation. our abuse started young with physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. around 2 yr old was some sexual abuse by dad. but we believe only one time. that was also we believe accident too. due to was in bed with parents and dad was sexually abusing mom we know now. he touched us but not sure even if he know he did.
we relate to you as was sexually abused by brother from 3 to around 11yr. at first just him but then other boys who lived around us too. so they kinda formed a group. they called brotherhood. we not going into details but this was spiritual abuse and mental abuse. so we been through many types of abuse.
sounds like your doing good connecting with the alters who have made themselves known to you. yes at first it like they can come out look out our eyes then step back within. but remember they only know what happened when in the abuse too. so they look out can not understand were they be and were abusers are. take time for them to see no longer in the abuse and it safe to come out. yes what you talked about like being in a trace is normal too. other times can like come back and be in different place. like went in when at home and come out at a store. see that also normal. as when a alters out you at first will not know and have what some call a blackout time. can be very short or even very long we know few who have went in and only alters were out for years. so yes as you learn to communicated with alters and work on healing you will lose less time. we now work as a team mostly so i not lose time. but can step back and watch as a alter out so know what happened and well not lose the time when alters out.
that took a lot of hard healing work and learning to share time with alters. not fight them about that and not have denial that they there. that was hard part for me not fighting them trying to keep them from coming out. but over time we learned one can be out and others watching. also can be out and allow the others who watching to add input to what going on too.
we was very blessed that found free help online by people who were mental health workers even therapist. so they helped us along this healing journey a lot. here on 7 cups there good community of people with dissociation disorders. some say they have parts but that different then alters. but we not fully understand that one as it newer one then having alters.
truth is many never even get right DXs due to at times psychs and mental health workers not believing in DID at all. also many with DID get misDXed due to the voices. as some other types of mental health disorders have voices too. but different is with DID the voices come from within. other ones have voices from outside talking to them. so due to lack of understanding even within the mental health workers many do not get right DX at all. we also had issues with that one too. most only know from movie what DID looks like and that wrong for many of us with it. so big stigma around any dissociation disorder. that why many of us just now getting right DX but are older in age. due to new understanding of what disassociation looks like. see every person with it their system will look different and acted different too. due to being based on their personal trauma.
sorry our posts long we do want to help you and all within you too.
@stormieandpaws
Thanks, that helps me understand a lot better. My therapist said we couldn't work on the Alters because there is too much going on in my daily life. I have had so many negative reactions from therapy that I am very cautious about sharing so I don't wind up sedated and thrown in the rubber room. This happened several times to me, telling them about the Alters in my head. When I tried to talk to non-professionals about this. They say it is demonic, and that scares me.
I was 21 years old before I got free of the SA, which makes me feel so ashamed that I was too afraid of losing my life by getting away or reporting my dad and others. My first child was a rape raby at 16. I have a long history of SA and physical abuse. I often wonder if this was my purpose in life or did people alter what my life was suppose to have been.
@WorkingitThrough2
understand we had issues with the mental health system too. we had so many issues over the years with not being believed. also was cycling being put into psychwareds do to SH as they thought was doing for attention but a lot of it was alters doing the SH. i tryed telling them i was blacking out and coming back to the wounds and going to ER due to them. but it was like no one wanted to hear this and i had so many DXs over the years too. but even after i got right DX and came back to were i was living. the psych would not accepted the DX were i was living. so even after that i was treated badly. but thank God for the online support and help i got over the years.
blessed now that i am believed and getting some help offline. but still hard to get the help we really need. but new therapist has some training in trauma and willing to work with us. she told us other day that many therapist will not even work with people with DID. she told us even among mental health workers there a big stigma agonist one with DID. even stated that some are afraid of ones with DID. due to they believe alters can be violent and so they not work with people who have alters. this new therapist has been very honest with us even about her training or should say lack of training in trauma. but she has and is going to keep getting extra trauma training. so think we found someone offline who believes us and willing to work with us.
as far as how life been for me i believe it just what was to be. also that due to human hurting other humans is big reason i was abused. not sure were you stand on spiritual beliefs. i have faith and well know that God has helped me many many times. we believe suffering part of life. some us have more then others of suffering too. but we can either become bitter or use the suffering to become better. also the suffering has been what brought us to help others. to walk beside them in the healing journey. for us we see that as well the big thing in our life. as only them who have truly suffered in a way that they can relate to others going though things that they been through is due to they understand and well can walk beside another in this healing journey we on. hope that makes since too.
@moonphasesystem
we're bodily 27 and in the process of being diagnosed. definitely traumagenic (ACE score of 8, raised in a cult, etc). if what we have is not DID, its still definitely dissociative.
Regardless, we've been a listener for several systems. there are 3 of us that volunteer here. we completely understand if you are not comfortable with us not having an official diagnosis yet.
@Grackl3
Thanks for coming forth to help. It does not matter to me if you are undiagnosed. I was just diagnosed and have no idea of how to get things to an acceptable means of communication. 😊
@WorkingitThrough2
I dont really either, you have my sympathy! lol
Sometimes we're kinda good and then it goes completely out the window and then Im not hearing from anyone in my head or getting notes for weeks. but that usually happens when we're way more dissociative than usual, and we're all blending together? when its hard to seperate ourselves its hard to talk.
there are apps out there to keep track of things like switches and that give places to take notes and chat. have you tried anything like that? So far I have only tried simplyplural. I know some people will set up a *** server just for themselves. you can also try a traditional notebook, maybe one with sections? you can also try different colored pens.
on top of that we also keep a diary app where anyone can make entries. the one I have is Diarium and its cool. it allows you to make multiple entries per day and add photos. and if you add a photo it becomes the icon for day on the calander which I find cute.
I think the biggest thing I can say is be patient. it helps me to think of my alters as people I need to build trust with. even if they are technically me and Im technically them, this perspective makes it easier on me when we have difficulties. its like starting a new job and figuring out where you belong in the team.
@Grackl3
I love how you described how you accept your internal family, and thanks for the suggestions. ❤️❤️
@WorkingitThrough2 your very welcome we call the different groups within clans as most here not really like the thought of family. due to most our abuse was done by family members and close friends of family members. until we moved here we was never safe. seem odd to really be safe now. we have alters that are male female and animals too. hardest part is dealing with people who not understand about DID. we ran into some we think alters are demons and need to be cast out. others who just scared of alters too. offline we very careful about telling others about us. as many really do not understand about DID at all. we try to really feel out even mental health workers to see if they can be trusted with that information.
@stormieandpawsout then withdrew until now they are
Right, I agree with being very cautious about sharing too much information, even if it is your therapist. Why? Two different therapists used our information to basically throw back in our face, causing *** within me, and the therapist apologized, but my insiders who were beginning to come out according to her, but I was not aware of it. She said that I go off-line and I am just like in a state of being paralyzed. She said she called my name several times with no response from me for 29 minutes, which she timed it. I have found that I do lose time but attributed it to falling asleep unknowingly. I also experience bouts where I suddenly just have a crying episode out of nowhere that lasts for a while. I don't feel like this is my emotion,.
Thanks for continuing to share with me as this is all so new and at times overwhelming.😊
@WorkingitThrough2
understand all to well the like going to sleep unaware is what losing time sometimes it just short time but can last longer too. with me it was always a short time like spacing out in away is what others said it looked like. but was when alters were coming our unaware to me but now due to lots of healing work that not happen. the scary part for me was well some of the alters use to SH badly. i come back to have to deal with that most times was a rush to ER. sadly the ER doctors were not always nice at all. so that made it even more scary but over time we all learned different ways to cope so that SH not happen much at all. last few times it been me not alters somewhat been struggling with things we can not control big one is fear parents will pass and we be expected to go to home town and services really not want to go there at all not sure we will even as not want to be around my oldest brother but we see in time what happens both parents in bad health so my insiders just unsure what will happen and what will be expected of us
healing a lot of the time very slow and the healing work very hard at times but worth it too
you can ask us anything and we give you best answer we can too here to support you on your healing journey
@stormieandpaws
I really appreciate you doing this for me and my insiders. All so new and very hard to get back to communicating or understanding the needs and the emotions that occur out of the blue. I have a part that is very critical that reminds me of my mom, and I think the others may be afraid of him. It sounds so crazy to me even explaining what I see and hear and feel that are not me.❤️❤️❤️❤️
@WorkingitThrough2
many times there insider that will take on stuff the abusers did or others in your life. most times it do tp thinking patterns that was put into them by repeating the actions and other things over and over by people in your life. they can unlearn them things too. most times ones we see as bad really they not at all. they acted out due to their emotions and a lot of times lack of relationship skills. also many might think if they acted like the abusers they will not get hurt i had a very very mean alter but in the end she was very sweet and helped out a lot. she integrated into others in system another fear many alters have is that they will be no more if they integrated that not true as they just kinda blend into others as they heal what they carried of the abuse their skills and other things still there too. just they kinda became within others i had many alters do that after dealing with their stuff we found out each one of them have a reason they are there related to life as a child and up
another thing is they have the right to change their names we had some with really bad names related to the abuse so we had a website that gave names and meanings of them names many changed their names as they healed so that was very good too also we allow everyone within system to have fun some come out to do that others do it in our inside world not everyone with DID can see or even have a inside world we do have that and one of our therapist at one time had us draw out some of the inside world we also did some mapping of the alters in like name and job in system like we have one that was out at school she did the school work most the time but others came out when we was bullied and other reasons at school we had a few only came out at church then some came out at home others were out in the woods we was abused in at times so they each have jobs and times and places they was out too
@stormieandpaws
I have one whose name I changed last year because her name caused me to remember why she had that name. My therapist helped me pick a name, and that did make us both happier. I don't know why she seems to be a slider in age from 4 to 9; that is what I am told. I have never found anyone that said they have an Alter that slides in age. I don't understand that. I have a teenage boy who said he was 16, and he was the guardian of the little ones. He said he couldn't talk, but that he could draw. He made the spelling of his name very clear, spelled with an ie at the end. But he was talking to me when he said all this. So why would he say he can't talk but can draw? I heard him, and I saw him, and he told me his job, and then he did go silent?????
@WorkingitThrough2
we have many sliders in our system we also met others that do too. was told that it very common to have alters that slide in age due to they was out at different ages in our life to help us. we find it better to allow the alter when ready to pick their new name. due to it empowers them in their healing. so that good in end too. reading this on disassociation and more about alters and other things might help you understand better too website we found helpful is
https://traumadissociation.com/alters
hope this helps you a lot yes there so many things that are also misunderstood by many and can be harmful to us with a disassociation DX too
@stormieandpaws
Thank you so very much. ❤️😊
@WorkingitThrough2
your very welcome we took two days off from being online. it been a busy last few weeks with shopping and appointments. we do one big shopping trip a month. that helps us a lot to not wear self out many times in one month. as we also have a lot of medical appointments too. also we had kinda a big upset over a friend who no longer a friend. she making issues for us seem like other believe her. due to she around them a lot more at club. but we did what was best for us mentally so just has to be as it is. but today we met with the psych for a med review. told her whats going on she agreed we did what was best for our mental well being too. so was good to hear that too. see therapist on Friday. really need to talk to her about what been going on with now ex friend and the mental health club. we not sure we even want to go back there. it kinda like being in middle school as far as how others acted their. our teen alters even stated it like childish actions by others.
so we kinda dealing with many upset ones inside right now too.
@stormieandpaws
I am so sorry that you had to lose that friendship, but everyone that comes into our lives is not meant to stay, as TD Jakes would say. You are right; it's going to be alright.
You've got us😊❤️
@WorkingitThrough2
thank you we also believe as one heals that one out grows some people in ones life. that are unwilling to do healing work and stuck in unhealthy skills. they really not want to work on their issues. so in end as you get healther them people you out grow the relationship with them. we believe that what happened with family members too. can really see it was what happened with our relationship with our mom too. but healing take will power, prayers and hard healing work. as our therapist say not everyone brave enough to do true healing work. they just want the issues to go away without them doing anything to change
so we believe she right on this too
how are you doing
@WorkingitThrough2
thank you we also believe as one heals that one out grows some people in ones life. that are unwilling to do healing work and stuck in unhealthy skills. they really not want to work on their issues. so in end as you get healther them people you out grow the relationship with them. we believe that what happened with family members too. can really see it was what happened with our relationship with our mom too. but healing take will power, prayers and hard healing work. as our therapist say not everyone brave enough to do true healing work. they just want the issues to go away without them doing anything to change
so we believe she right on this too
how are you doing