Teach Me About DID?

@jesusredeemedme2425

Very sorry for the late reply, 

I'm the host of our system and I go by K, 


This is also gonna take a little bit of time to type out so I apologize in advance for the length

So dissociating is basically because you’re between hosts? Neither host is fully fronting at that moment? Kind of like a TV commercial… Neither TV show is truly on. Somewhat like that?

Dissociations are between different alters, yes (I'm assuming you meant alters, the best way to differentiate would be saying that hosts are the most frequent fronting alter, and so host is just a job title like any other, just the one that fronts most often)
That being said, you are genuinely right here, dissociations usually are between switches, it's essentially the method for which the mind distances itself enough from the body for a switch to occur, if that explanation is better worded. The body is sort of mid switch. Now that being said, not every dissociation will cause switching. Just that generally when one dissociates, an alter is either swtiching in, switching out, an alter has gone co con, an alter co fronts, or simply there has been some kind of internal or external trigger which has forced the body into a sort of fight or flight response where the response becomes to dissociate instead. This is kind of a lengthy explanation, but dissociation itself is pretty complex. The tv is currently either flipping between 2 designated channels, channel surfing, or the tv had a slight issue and is currently dealing with whatever caused the issue so that it can tune back into its station ^^

When one alter is fronting, what do the others do? Do they talk to the current alter? (What’s the term for the alter who’s currently fronting?) Do some of them go slightly dormant during that time, or are they always nearby? Can you physically feel them? In one video, she said that she felt another alter right over her shoulder. Is that physical or more a metaphor for how close they feel?

When I'm fronting, some of the others will stay and watch (co conscious), front with me and mess with me, help me, or ignore me completely depending on who's decided to co front, or will simply go into our inner world (which we originally created to be a method of Loci when we were around 11.) The inner world is our internal mechanism for collaboration, safety, and organization. Not all in the inner world are able to communicate between each other, and in fact many exist in their own separate area within our inner world and thus cannot organize or communicate. There are others that just don't know how to do these things so they stay isolated. There isn't necessarily a term for who's currently fronting besides simply current fronter, and when others leave front or aren't near front, they exist in our inner world. It's different for everyone, but ours is large and consists of castles, cabins, gardens, and forests. I'm not going too in depth here because there's quite frankly so much I could write about this, so please do ask for more information if you're interested.
It's less of a physical feeling so to speak, more so hearing or feeling their presence internally. It may feel like a presence over your shoulder. I'm speaking on my experience, and others may feel it more akin to a physical presence, but I've realized for myself that it's definitely internal and less of any physical feeling. That being said, I understand the feeling you've referenced from the video you watched. Before discovering our system, I'd often feel others presence but could never properly describe why, who, or how. It's obvious, looking back now. Even now, I sometimes feel the presence of an alter who hasn't made themselves known. Sometimes they choose to do so, other times I find that they're a new alter who has yet to discover the system and are observing. This feeling has been negative at times, not knowing who's there. 

Does each alter have a different voice? Is it audible, or mental?

Very much so, yes. I should define something to help describe this though. Physically audible voices are generally defined as audible hallucinations. Audible hallucinations aren't necessary for a DID diagnosis. What I'm saying, is that when I speak of voices, I refer to an internal dialogue. Not actual physical audible hallucinations. From those I've spoken with, this is a pretty universal understanding. Not all will experience it as this specifically, because there absolutely can be comorbidities where one may hear external voices. 
We hear a multitude of internal voices. Some are masculine, some feminine, some with accents, some without. Age range varies too. Each corresponds to an alter that exists within our system, and not all are present at any given time. Just those who are closest to front, or currently co con/co fronting. 

I’ve heard people talk about this in videos… They’re all different and separate, but they are all you. Do you agree? Do you see yourself as fully plural, or as a singular person with many personalities and thought processes? I hope this makes sense and doesn’t sound demeaning or anything. I guess what I’m asking is… Do people with DID know that they are actually one person, at least in the external world’s eyes? I hope this conveys what I’m asking, in as much respect and kindness as I’m trying to write it <3 <3 <3 Please read my intentions instead of how it sounds, if it sounds bad! <3

This question is an important discussion to be had quite honestly. Through the theory of structural dissociation, which is used most often when discussing and understanding current clinical practice for DID, the brain will fragment based on trauma during the developmental phase of early childhood. This means that, clinically speaking, alters are genuinely just fragments of one mind, and you'll often see this put into practice when utilizing approaches brought about through the theory of structural dissociation. However, from my own personal perspective, we feel most comfortable defining ourselves as separately as possible. We're still quite early in the life journey of clinical assistance. We've been diagnosed for years now, but this is a disorder that can take years, if not decades, to properly treat and understand fully. I see us as plural, as a single identity in the range of identities that we have. I don't deny that we are all of one mind, but simply that personally, I am uncomfortable with aligning my personality and thus identity with any of the others as we are so different. We all have different desires, different goals and aspirations, different likes, dislikes, different religions, philosophies, and political ideals. These differences are important to me, as I value differences. I love being able to ask questions and contribute answers. These things make up who I am, make up my identity in the multitude of other identities which we have. I know that we are viewed as one, and that clinically we are of one mind, but there are so many important components that I personally value which make up ones identity and personality. These are my values, so I very much wish to be viewed as my own identity. I take no offense, as well. I understand the complexity of this disorder, and the complexity and importance of values. What I value may not be what others value, and to me, that's what makes us all so unique and why our differences should be celebrated. I've ranted for long enough, I hope I'm getting my point across though, thank you for asking this question though, it's an important discussion topic for sure.

Is the gatekeeper always in charge, even when not fronting?

The gatekeeper is sort of always in charge, and this means that sometimes he's constantly co conscious. However, that isn't always the case, and sometimes he slips away for long periods of time and will relax his position of authority. I believe it's based on what the system as a whole needs at any given time. This system isn't perfect of course, and there are absolutely times where the job isn't performed either well, or at all. He can help when not fronting, but being close to front can be helpful for him to best understand how to help. He sometimes hides himself from me, even when he's close to front. I personally don't like this though, because I can sometimes still feel a presence watching from a distance. It can feel discomforting honestly. 

I’ve seen in videos that occasionally a Little, which is a trauma holder, will front, out of nowhere. Is this triggered by an external/internal trigger, or do they just decide they want to front now?

It can be all of the above actually. I only know of one little in our system. She's most often triggered out, to be fair. But there have been times where I'll front and she's decided to front to play games on our phone, just because she wanted to. It can be very annoying and a bit detrimental if we're busy

What trauma community does the term gatekeeper come from?

A little bit of a tw for this answer, so if you're reading and may be susceptible to triggers regarding severe trauma, in any capacity, please do not continue with this question for your own safety.
I don't remember the full history here, so please do bare with me. From what I recall, lots of these terms actually come from the ramcoa trauma community. Ramcoa is a very specific type of severe trauma dealing with ritualistic abuse, mind control, and organized abuse (ramcoa is an acronym)
The earlier days of creations of communities discussing such severe topics allowed for certain terms to emerge such as gatekeeper. Ramcoa trauma is trauma where a system is created by abusers who practice one of these types of traumas (cult activity, organizations operating maliciously, religious extremists, these kinds of things)
Ramcoa is a very serious topic, one that shouldn't be discussed very often without adequate warning and understanding of the severity for which the topic represents, as programming itself is detrimental and can be life threatening. 

What does co-fronting feel like?

Co fronting feels very odd at times. You can see or hear what's going on, but you feel so very distant from the body and you can't really do anything. Imagine the static from before, but you're so blurry that you can't move the body at all, someone else is. You're there, and can talk to anyone in front, but you can't influence what the body does. It's pretty awful at times, seeing yourself going through life but not being able to do anything. It isn't always so awful, most who are our most frequent fronters generally don't deviate too much from the base things in our life that need to be done, so thankfully it isn't physically dangerous most of the time. Just very unnerving and uncomfortable. I'd prefer to be co fronting or fronting alone than be co con. Even though it's nice knowing whats going on in our life, especially as the current host

When you are out in public and meeting a random person you don’t want to disclose your DID to (say, a cashier), whose name do you use? The host’s? Also, what do you do for official documents?

As current host, I say our legal name. But, to be fair, when I became host years ago, I legally changed our first and last name to be my own, so thankfully not something I have to worry about. I've been co fronting or co con with others though, and it really depends. Some of us communicate often with each other. We try to be consistent with people in life, like with our name. But, not everyone wants to, so sometimes we get called by different names and sometimes I'm prepared for it, most of the time I'm not so prepared which can feel disorienting and confusing. If we could come to a consensus and communicate it across the system, we'd get to use one single name for everyone, but thats wishful thinking for now.

How many trauma holders are typically in a body? Does each hold several traumas, or does one hold one trauma?

There are lots, most of us stem from either a specific type of traumatic event, a specific type of trauma, or are literal copy's of people who caused trauma. One trauma holder can say, for example, be the alter who was the host during a specific traumatic sequence. For example, we have a trauma holder who existed during the days of our religious extremist trauma, and thus she holds that specific time in our lives, so she holds several years of continuous trauma specifically about religion and religious extremism. Then, there's myself. Even as host, I hold a specific type of trauma related to the dehumanization we went through. I often felt the desire to escape, the desire of freedom. During this time in our life, I had a fascination of wolves. This was later in our childhood, but this fascination with escape, with wolves, and the dehumanization that we experienced during our abuse led to me being created. I am a nonhuman alter, a wolf. I'm also the host. 
Typically, most trauma holders fall into this. Where they're manifestations of a type of trauma, or exist to hold the sequence as a whole of a traumatic period in our lives. It can be a single traumatic event as well, like one of our more traumatized alters who I still know barely nothing about unfortunately.  

Do Littles get held back from fronting, to protect the system as a whole? In what ways can a Little be taken advantage of when fronting? Is it more of a teasing thing, or do people do more malicious things? (I realize this may be a triggering question. Feel free to ignore!) <3

This absolutely happens. There are times when we'll do everything we can to keep our little from fronting at specific times. Most of the time because it'd be very inconvenient for our life if we suddenly acted very childish, like out in public. A little is very much of a naïve mindset, and so naivety is very unfortunately often taken advantage of. We've had things happen where she answered questions that were very personal and caused issues for us afterwards, and we've even had her tell others things like our passwords and such. That was years ago and an isolated event, but it's important to note here that it's an unfortunate reality that it has happened. We've since had therapists talk to her about these issues and she's not as likely to front without her caretaker now which is very good.

How do Littles get paired with caretakers? How does this work, as well, when neither of them is fronting? What do caretakers do?

Ours got paired out of necessity to be quite honest. It can be very dangerous to have her fronting at times, and it became so important to make sure she wasn't fronting alone because of that. Caretakers are alters who try to help with emotions or strong feelings. Ours helped one of our trauma holders to get through pretty serious feelings of self hate, and I've had her talk to me when I'm feeling particularly depressed. In terms of system structure, tw for sh, she was created because of sh and attempts, and provided a voice of reason during some of my worst moments when struggling with those thoughts. 

What kind of nonhuman alter is your host?

Hi, I'm a wolf. Though, an odd one because I speak

Does switching while dreaming affect your sleep? Do you wake up? Do you get less sleep on nights when that happens? Do the dreams get weird when you switch in the middle? (I’d love to hear sleep specialists try to explain, and get confused, about sleep switching… Hehe) XD

Very much. We were prescribed meds just for our sleep because of how horrible it's gotten at times, between all the flashbacks, trauma nightmares, switching, and dissociating. Sometimes it outright wakes me up when I switch mid sleep, it feels so sudden and I get startled awake. However, thankfully, and kind of with the help of sleep meds, I can stay asleep and just go on with my own dream once I've switched in mid sleep. It'd be very very very interesting to be part of a sleep study I think, I wonder what would happen?

Hi, Jessica! Did you switch immediately after answering that question, or did you stay for the rest of the post?

She says she switched about a half hour after posting, but really appreciates the conversation

Does the whole system prefer she/her, or does it depend on the alter? Is anyone offended when they’re misgendered or misidentified?

It really does depend on the alter, we have a wide variety of different identities here, so some really value and prefer certain pronouns, and some who couldn't care less. I personally don't like being misgendered, but it's less of offense and more because I value my differences and personal identity, so if I'm ever misgendered I just like to understand why. Thankfully that's not really an issue because we're female bodily, but we have had it happen where an alter fronts who uses he/him or they/them and gets comfortable with someone who uses those pronouns for them. This was partly how I began to notice lost time actually, speaking with others who knew me as someone who I'm personally not. 

How can we tell who’s fronting in your system? Especially on here, when we can’t rely on visual cues?

Very important question. Kai really likes his privacy, so often he won't even identify himself. Jess doesn't mind so much, but she forgets to a lot. I do try to identify myself though, so please do ask if we haven't identified who's talking at any particular time. Apologies in advanced if it gets confusing though

Feel free to ignore if it’s too personal, but what are Jessica and Kai’s roles in the system? I’m just trying to get a better mental picture of who is who :)

Kai is a trauma holder, he holds a very specific event from one of our traumas. He really likes privacy, so I wouldn't be able to say much more. If he fronts again and feels up to it, I think he might be able to answer you himself though moving forward
Jessica is a caretaker, she's really gentle and loves to help as much as she can, sometimes she doesn't know boundaries internally, but she's gotten much better at it over time

(there are over 80 of us. That i know of, that is)

BTW, I realize this insanely long post is possibly overwhelming. Please let me know if I’m asking too many questions, or feel free to only respond to some, if it’s easier. :)

It's alright, thank you for asking and contributing to a conversation. I for one love engaging in conversations

Thank you for all the questions, I probably and creating more questions as I answer, which is a good thing, but also I apologize if I'm not being descriptive enough

@jesusredeemedme2425

Very sorry for the late reply, 

I'm the host of our system and I go by K, 


This is also gonna take a little bit of time to type out so I apologize in advance for the length

So dissociating is basically because you’re between hosts? Neither host is fully fronting at that moment? Kind of like a TV commercial… Neither TV show is truly on. Somewhat like that?

Dissociations are between different alters, yes (I'm assuming you meant alters, the best way to differentiate would be saying that hosts are the most frequent fronting alter, and so host is just a job title like any other, just the one that fronts most often)
That being said, you are genuinely right here, dissociations usually are between switches, it's essentially the method for which the mind distances itself enough from the body for a switch to occur, if that explanation is better worded. The body is sort of mid switch. Now that being said, not every dissociation will cause switching. Just that generally when one dissociates, an alter is either swtiching in, switching out, an alter has gone co con, an alter co fronts, or simply there has been some kind of internal or external trigger which has forced the body into a sort of fight or flight response where the response becomes to dissociate instead. This is kind of a lengthy explanation, but dissociation itself is pretty complex. The tv is currently either flipping between 2 designated channels, channel surfing, or the tv had a slight issue and is currently dealing with whatever caused the issue so that it can tune back into its station ^^

When one alter is fronting, what do the others do? Do they talk to the current alter? (What’s the term for the alter who’s currently fronting?) Do some of them go slightly dormant during that time, or are they always nearby? Can you physically feel them? In one video, she said that she felt another alter right over her shoulder. Is that physical or more a metaphor for how close they feel?

When I'm fronting, some of the others will stay and watch (co conscious), front with me and mess with me, help me, or ignore me completely depending on who's decided to co front, or will simply go into our inner world (which we originally created to be a method of Loci when we were around 11.) The inner world is our internal mechanism for collaboration, safety, and organization. Not all in the inner world are able to communicate between each other, and in fact many exist in their own separate area within our inner world and thus cannot organize or communicate. There are others that just don't know how to do these things so they stay isolated. There isn't necessarily a term for who's currently fronting besides simply current fronter, and when others leave front or aren't near front, they exist in our inner world. It's different for everyone, but ours is large and consists of castles, cabins, gardens, and forests. I'm not going too in depth here because there's quite frankly so much I could write about this, so please do ask for more information if you're interested.
It's less of a physical feeling so to speak, more so hearing or feeling their presence internally. It may feel like a presence over your shoulder. I'm speaking on my experience, and others may feel it more akin to a physical presence, but I've realized for myself that it's definitely internal and less of any physical feeling. That being said, I understand the feeling you've referenced from the video you watched. Before discovering our system, I'd often feel others presence but could never properly describe why, who, or how. It's obvious, looking back now. Even now, I sometimes feel the presence of an alter who hasn't made themselves known. Sometimes they choose to do so, other times I find that they're a new alter who has yet to discover the system and are observing. This feeling has been negative at times, not knowing who's there. 

Does each alter have a different voice? Is it audible, or mental?

Very much so, yes. I should define something to help describe this though. Physically audible voices are generally defined as audible hallucinations. Audible hallucinations aren't necessary for a DID diagnosis. What I'm saying, is that when I speak of voices, I refer to an internal dialogue. Not actual physical audible hallucinations. From those I've spoken with, this is a pretty universal understanding. Not all will experience it as this specifically, because there absolutely can be comorbidities where one may hear external voices. 
We hear a multitude of internal voices. Some are masculine, some feminine, some with accents, some without. Age range varies too. Each corresponds to an alter that exists within our system, and not all are present at any given time. Just those who are closest to front, or currently co con/co fronting. 

I’ve heard people talk about this in videos… They’re all different and separate, but they are all you. Do you agree? Do you see yourself as fully plural, or as a singular person with many personalities and thought processes? I hope this makes sense and doesn’t sound demeaning or anything. I guess what I’m asking is… Do people with DID know that they are actually one person, at least in the external world’s eyes? I hope this conveys what I’m asking, in as much respect and kindness as I’m trying to write it <3 <3 <3 Please read my intentions instead of how it sounds, if it sounds bad! <3

This question is an important discussion to be had quite honestly. Through the theory of structural dissociation, which is used most often when discussing and understanding current clinical practice for DID, the brain will fragment based on trauma during the developmental phase of early childhood. This means that, clinically speaking, alters are genuinely just fragments of one mind, and you'll often see this put into practice when utilizing approaches brought about through the theory of structural dissociation. However, from my own personal perspective, we feel most comfortable defining ourselves as separately as possible. We're still quite early in the life journey of clinical assistance. We've been diagnosed for years now, but this is a disorder that can take years, if not decades, to properly treat and understand fully. I see us as plural, as a single identity in the range of identities that we have. I don't deny that we are all of one mind, but simply that personally, I am uncomfortable with aligning my personality and thus identity with any of the others as we are so different. We all have different desires, different goals and aspirations, different likes, dislikes, different religions, philosophies, and political ideals. These differences are important to me, as I value differences. I love being able to ask questions and contribute answers. These things make up who I am, make up my identity in the multitude of other identities which we have. I know that we are viewed as one, and that clinically we are of one mind, but there are so many important components that I personally value which make up ones identity and personality. These are my values, so I very much wish to be viewed as my own identity. I take no offense, as well. I understand the complexity of this disorder, and the complexity and importance of values. What I value may not be what others value, and to me, that's what makes us all so unique and why our differences should be celebrated. I've ranted for long enough, I hope I'm getting my point across though, thank you for asking this question though, it's an important discussion topic for sure.

Is the gatekeeper always in charge, even when not fronting?

The gatekeeper is sort of always in charge, and this means that sometimes he's constantly co conscious. However, that isn't always the case, and sometimes he slips away for long periods of time and will relax his position of authority. I believe it's based on what the system as a whole needs at any given time. This system isn't perfect of course, and there are absolutely times where the job isn't performed either well, or at all. He can help when not fronting, but being close to front can be helpful for him to best understand how to help. He sometimes hides himself from me, even when he's close to front. I personally don't like this though, because I can sometimes still feel a presence watching from a distance. It can feel discomforting honestly. 

I’ve seen in videos that occasionally a Little, which is a trauma holder, will front, out of nowhere. Is this triggered by an external/internal trigger, or do they just decide they want to front now?

It can be all of the above actually. I only know of one little in our system. She's most often triggered out, to be fair. But there have been times where I'll front and she's decided to front to play games on our phone, just because she wanted to. It can be very annoying and a bit detrimental if we're busy

What trauma community does the term gatekeeper come from?

A little bit of a tw for this answer, so if you're reading and may be susceptible to triggers regarding severe trauma, in any capacity, please do not continue with this question for your own safety.
I don't remember the full history here, so please do bare with me. From what I recall, lots of these terms actually come from the ramcoa trauma community. Ramcoa is a very specific type of severe trauma dealing with ritualistic abuse, mind control, and organized abuse (ramcoa is an acronym)
The earlier days of creations of communities discussing such severe topics allowed for certain terms to emerge such as gatekeeper. Ramcoa trauma is trauma where a system is created by abusers who practice one of these types of traumas (cult activity, organizations operating maliciously, religious extremists, these kinds of things)
Ramcoa is a very serious topic, one that shouldn't be discussed very often without adequate warning and understanding of the severity for which the topic represents, as programming itself is detrimental and can be life threatening. 

What does co-fronting feel like?

Co fronting feels very odd at times. You can see or hear what's going on, but you feel so very distant from the body and you can't really do anything. Imagine the static from before, but you're so blurry that you can't move the body at all, someone else is. You're there, and can talk to anyone in front, but you can't influence what the body does. It's pretty awful at times, seeing yourself going through life but not being able to do anything. It isn't always so awful, most who are our most frequent fronters generally don't deviate too much from the base things in our life that need to be done, so thankfully it isn't physically dangerous most of the time. Just very unnerving and uncomfortable. I'd prefer to be co fronting or fronting alone than be co con. Even though it's nice knowing whats going on in our life, especially as the current host

When you are out in public and meeting a random person you don’t want to disclose your DID to (say, a cashier), whose name do you use? The host’s? Also, what do you do for official documents?

As current host, I say our legal name. But, to be fair, when I became host years ago, I legally changed our first and last name to be my own, so thankfully not something I have to worry about. I've been co fronting or co con with others though, and it really depends. Some of us communicate often with each other. We try to be consistent with people in life, like with our name. But, not everyone wants to, so sometimes we get called by different names and sometimes I'm prepared for it, most of the time I'm not so prepared which can feel disorienting and confusing. If we could come to a consensus and communicate it across the system, we'd get to use one single name for everyone, but thats wishful thinking for now.

How many trauma holders are typically in a body? Does each hold several traumas, or does one hold one trauma?

There are lots, most of us stem from either a specific type of traumatic event, a specific type of trauma, or are literal copy's of people who caused trauma. One trauma holder can say, for example, be the alter who was the host during a specific traumatic sequence. For example, we have a trauma holder who existed during the days of our religious extremist trauma, and thus she holds that specific time in our lives, so she holds several years of continuous trauma specifically about religion and religious extremism. Then, there's myself. Even as host, I hold a specific type of trauma related to the dehumanization we went through. I often felt the desire to escape, the desire of freedom. During this time in our life, I had a fascination of wolves. This was later in our childhood, but this fascination with escape, with wolves, and the dehumanization that we experienced during our abuse led to me being created. I am a nonhuman alter, a wolf. I'm also the host. 
Typically, most trauma holders fall into this. Where they're manifestations of a type of trauma, or exist to hold the sequence as a whole of a traumatic period in our lives. It can be a single traumatic event as well, like one of our more traumatized alters who I still know barely nothing about unfortunately.  

Do Littles get held back from fronting, to protect the system as a whole? In what ways can a Little be taken advantage of when fronting? Is it more of a teasing thing, or do people do more malicious things? (I realize this may be a triggering question. Feel free to ignore!) <3

This absolutely happens. There are times when we'll do everything we can to keep our little from fronting at specific times. Most of the time because it'd be very inconvenient for our life if we suddenly acted very childish, like out in public. A little is very much of a naïve mindset, and so naivety is very unfortunately often taken advantage of. We've had things happen where she answered questions that were very personal and caused issues for us afterwards, and we've even had her tell others things like our passwords and such. That was years ago and an isolated event, but it's important to note here that it's an unfortunate reality that it has happened. We've since had therapists talk to her about these issues and she's not as likely to front without her caretaker now which is very good.

How do Littles get paired with caretakers? How does this work, as well, when neither of them is fronting? What do caretakers do?

Ours got paired out of necessity to be quite honest. It can be very dangerous to have her fronting at times, and it became so important to make sure she wasn't fronting alone because of that. Caretakers are alters who try to help with emotions or strong feelings. Ours helped one of our trauma holders to get through pretty serious feelings of self hate, and I've had her talk to me when I'm feeling particularly depressed. In terms of system structure, tw for sh, she was created because of sh and attempts, and provided a voice of reason during some of my worst moments when struggling with those thoughts. 

What kind of nonhuman alter is your host?

Hi, I'm a wolf. Though, an odd one because I speak

Does switching while dreaming affect your sleep? Do you wake up? Do you get less sleep on nights when that happens? Do the dreams get weird when you switch in the middle? (I’d love to hear sleep specialists try to explain, and get confused, about sleep switching… Hehe) XD

Very much. We were prescribed meds just for our sleep because of how horrible it's gotten at times, between all the flashbacks, trauma nightmares, switching, and dissociating. Sometimes it outright wakes me up when I switch mid sleep, it feels so sudden and I get startled awake. However, thankfully, and kind of with the help of sleep meds, I can stay asleep and just go on with my own dream once I've switched in mid sleep. It'd be very very very interesting to be part of a sleep study I think, I wonder what would happen?

Hi, Jessica! Did you switch immediately after answering that question, or did you stay for the rest of the post?

She says she switched about a half hour after posting, but really appreciates the conversation

Does the whole system prefer she/her, or does it depend on the alter? Is anyone offended when they’re misgendered or misidentified?

It really does depend on the alter, we have a wide variety of different identities here, so some really value and prefer certain pronouns, and some who couldn't care less. I personally don't like being misgendered, but it's less of offense and more because I value my differences and personal identity, so if I'm ever misgendered I just like to understand why. Thankfully that's not really an issue because we're female bodily, but we have had it happen where an alter fronts who uses he/him or they/them and gets comfortable with someone who uses those pronouns for them. This was partly how I began to notice lost time actually, speaking with others who knew me as someone who I'm personally not. 

How can we tell who’s fronting in your system? Especially on here, when we can’t rely on visual cues?

Very important question. Kai really likes his privacy, so often he won't even identify himself. Jess doesn't mind so much, but she forgets to a lot. I do try to identify myself though, so please do ask if we haven't identified who's talking at any particular time. Apologies in advanced if it gets confusing though

Feel free to ignore if it’s too personal, but what are Jessica and Kai’s roles in the system? I’m just trying to get a better mental picture of who is who :)

Kai is a trauma holder, he holds a very specific event from one of our traumas. He really likes privacy, so I wouldn't be able to say much more. If he fronts again and feels up to it, I think he might be able to answer you himself though moving forward
Jessica is a caretaker, she's really gentle and loves to help as much as she can, sometimes she doesn't know boundaries internally, but she's gotten much better at it over time

(there are over 80 of us. That i know of, that is)

It's alright, thank you for asking and contributing to a conversation. I for one love engaging in conversations

Thank you for all the questions, I probably and creating more questions as I answer, which is a good thing, but also I apologize if I'm not being descriptive enough

@jesusredeemedme2425

Very sorry for the late reply, 

I'm the host of our system and I go by K, 

This is also gonna take a little bit of time to type out so I apologize in advance for the length

So dissociating is basically because you’re between hosts? Neither host is fully fronting at that moment? Kind of like a TV commercial… Neither TV show is truly on. Somewhat like that?

Dissociations are between different alters, yes (I'm assuming you meant alters, the best way to differentiate would be saying that hosts are the most frequent fronting alter, and so host is just a job title like any other, just the one that fronts most often)
That being said, you are genuinely right here, dissociations usually are between switches, it's essentially the method for which the mind distances itself enough from the body for a switch to occur, if that explanation is better worded. The body is sort of mid switch. Now that being said, not every dissociation will cause switching. Just that generally when one dissociates, an alter is either swtiching in, switching out, an alter has gone co con, an alter co fronts, or simply there has been some kind of internal or external trigger which has forced the body into a sort of fight or flight response where the response becomes to dissociate instead. This is kind of a lengthy explanation, but dissociation itself is pretty complex. The tv is currently either flipping between 2 designated channels, channel surfing, or the tv had a slight issue and is currently dealing with whatever caused the issue so that it can tune back into its station ^^

When one alter is fronting, what do the others do? Do they talk to the current alter? (What’s the term for the alter who’s currently fronting?) Do some of them go slightly dormant during that time, or are they always nearby? Can you physically feel them? In one video, she said that she felt another alter right over her shoulder. Is that physical or more a metaphor for how close they feel?

When I'm fronting, some of the others will stay and watch (co conscious), front with me and mess with me, help me, or ignore me completely depending on who's decided to co front, or will simply go into our inner world (which we originally created to be a method of Loci when we were around 11.) The inner world is our internal mechanism for collaboration, safety, and organization. Not all in the inner world are able to communicate between each other, and in fact many exist in their own separate area within our inner world and thus cannot organize or communicate. There are others that just don't know how to do these things so they stay isolated. There isn't necessarily a term for who's currently fronting besides simply current fronter, and when others leave front or aren't near front, they exist in our inner world. It's different for everyone, but ours is large and consists of castles, cabins, gardens, and forests. I'm not going too in depth here because there's quite frankly so much I could write about this, so please do ask for more information if you're interested.
It's less of a physical feeling so to speak, more so hearing or feeling their presence internally. It may feel like a presence over your shoulder. I'm speaking on my experience, and others may feel it more akin to a physical presence, but I've realized for myself that it's definitely internal and less of any physical feeling. That being said, I understand the feeling you've referenced from the video you watched. Before discovering our system, I'd often feel others presence but could never properly describe why, who, or how. It's obvious, looking back now. Even now, I sometimes feel the presence of an alter who hasn't made themselves known. Sometimes they choose to do so, other times I find that they're a new alter who has yet to discover the system and are observing. This feeling has been negative at times, not knowing who's there. 

Does each alter have a different voice? Is it audible, or mental?

Very much so, yes. I should define something to help describe this though. Physically audible voices are generally defined as audible hallucinations. Audible hallucinations aren't necessary for a DID diagnosis. What I'm saying, is that when I speak of voices, I refer to an internal dialogue. Not actual physical audible hallucinations. From those I've spoken with, this is a pretty universal understanding. Not all will experience it as this specifically, because there absolutely can be comorbidities where one may hear external voices. 
We hear a multitude of internal voices. Some are masculine, some feminine, some with accents, some without. Age range varies too. Each corresponds to an alter that exists within our system, and not all are present at any given time. Just those who are closest to front, or currently co con/co fronting. 

I’ve heard people talk about this in videos

This question is an important discussion to be had quite honestly. Through the theory of structural dissociation, which is used most often when discussing and understanding current clinical practice for DID, the brain will fragment based on trauma during the developmental phase of early childhood. This means that, clinically speaking, alters are genuinely just fragments of one mind, and you'll often see this put into practice when utilizing approaches brought about through the theory of structural dissociation. However, from my own personal perspective, we feel most comfortable defining ourselves as separately as possible. We're still quite early in the life journey of clinical assistance. We've been diagnosed for years now, but this is a disorder that can take years, if not decades, to properly treat and understand fully. I see us as plural, as a single identity in the range of identities that we have. I don't deny that we are all of one mind, but simply that personally, I am uncomfortable with aligning my personality and thus identity with any of the others as we are so different. We all have different desires, different goals and aspirations, different likes, dislikes, different religions, philosophies, and political ideals. These differences are important to me, as I value differences. I love being able to ask questions and contribute answers. These things make up who I am, make up my identity in the multitude of other identities which we have. I know that we are viewed as one, and that clinically we are of one mind, but there are so many important components that I personally value which make up ones identity and personality. These are my values, so I very much wish to be viewed as my own identity. I take no offense, as well. I understand the complexity of this disorder, and the complexity and importance of values. What I value may not be what others value, and to me, that's what makes us all so unique and why our differences should be celebrated. I've ranted for long enough, I hope I'm getting my point across though, thank you for asking this question though, it's an important discussion topic for sure.

Is the gatekeeper always in charge, even when not fronting?

The gatekeeper is sort of always in charge, and this means that sometimes he's constantly co conscious. However, that isn't always the case, and sometimes he slips away for long periods of time and will relax his position of authority. I believe it's based on what the system as a whole needs at any given time. This system isn't perfect of course, and there are absolutely times where the job isn't performed either well, or at all. He can help when not fronting, but being close to front can be helpful for him to best understand how to help. He sometimes hides himself from me, even when he's close to front. I personally don't like this though, because I can sometimes still feel a presence watching from a distance. It can feel discomforting honestly. 

I’ve seen in videos that occasionally a Little, which is a trauma holder, will front, out of nowhere. Is this triggered by an external/internal trigger, or do they just decide they want to front now?

It can be all of the above actually. I only know of one little in our system. She's most often triggered out, to be fair. But there have been times where I'll front and she's decided to front to play games on our phone, just because she wanted to. It can be very annoying and a bit detrimental if we're busy

What trauma community does the term gatekeeper come from?

A little bit of a tw for this answer, so if you're reading and may be susceptible to triggers regarding severe trauma, in any capacity, please do not continue with this question for your own safety.
I don't remember the full history here, so please do bare with me. From what I recall, lots of these terms actually come from the ramcoa trauma community. Ramcoa is a very specific type of severe trauma dealing with ritualistic abuse, mind control, and organized abuse (ramcoa is an acronym)
The earlier days of creations of communities discussing such severe topics allowed for certain terms to emerge such as gatekeeper. Ramcoa trauma is trauma where a system is created by abusers who practice one of these types of traumas (cult activity, organizations operating maliciously, religious extremists, these kinds of things)
Ramcoa is a very serious topic, one that shouldn't be discussed very often without adequate warning and understanding of the severity for which the topic represents, as programming itself is detrimental and can be life threatening. 

What does co-fronting feel like?

Co fronting feels very odd at times. You can see or hear what's going on, but you feel so very distant from the body and you can't really do anything. Imagine the static from before, but you're so blurry that you can't move the body at all, someone else is. You're there, and can talk to anyone in front, but you can't influence what the body does. It's pretty awful at times, seeing yourself going through life but not being able to do anything. It isn't always so awful, most who are our most frequent fronters generally don't deviate too much from the base things in our life that need to be done, so thankfully it isn't physically dangerous most of the time. Just very unnerving and uncomfortable. I'd prefer to be co fronting or fronting alone than be co con. Even though it's nice knowing whats going on in our life, especially as the current host

When you are out in public and meeting a random person you don’t want to disclose your DID to (say, a cashier), whose name do you use? The host’s? Also, what do you do for official documents?

As current host, I say our legal name. But, to be fair, when I became host years ago, I legally changed our first and last name to be my own, so thankfully not something I have to worry about. I've been co fronting or co con with others though, and it really depends. Some of us communicate often with each other. We try to be consistent with people in life, like with our name. But, not everyone wants to, so sometimes we get called by different names and sometimes I'm prepared for it, most of the time I'm not so prepared which can feel disorienting and confusing. If we could come to a consensus and communicate it across the system, we'd get to use one single name for everyone, but thats wishful thinking for now.

How many trauma holders are typically in a body? Does each hold several traumas, or does one hold one trauma?

There are lots, most of us stem from either a specific type of traumatic event, a specific type of trauma, or are literal copy's of people who caused trauma. One trauma holder can say, for example, be the alter who was the host during a specific traumatic sequence. For example, we have a trauma holder who existed during the days of our religious extremist trauma, and thus she holds that specific time in our lives, so she holds several years of continuous trauma specifically about religion and religious extremism. Then, there's myself. Even as host, I hold a specific type of trauma related to the dehumanization we went through. I often felt the desire to escape, the desire of freedom. During this time in our life, I had a fascination of wolves. This was later in our childhood, but this fascination with escape, with wolves, and the dehumanization that we experienced during our abuse led to me being created. I am a nonhuman alter, a wolf. I'm also the host. 
Typically, most trauma holders fall into this. Where they're manifestations of a type of trauma, or exist to hold the sequence as a whole of a traumatic period in our lives. It can be a single traumatic event as well, like one of our more traumatized alters who I still know barely nothing about unfortunately.  

Do Littles get held back from fronting, to protect the system as a whole? In what ways can a Little be taken advantage of when fronting? Is it more of a teasing thing, or do people do more malicious things? (I realize this may be a triggering question. Feel free to ignore!) <3

This absolutely happens. There are times when we'll do everything we can to keep our little from fronting at specific times. Most of the time because it'd be very inconvenient for our life if we suddenly acted very childish, like out in public. A little is very much of a naïve mindset, and so naivety is very unfortunately often taken advantage of. We've had things happen where she answered questions that were very personal and caused issues for us afterwards, and we've even had her tell others things like our passwords and such. That was years ago and an isolated event, but it's important to note here that it's an unfortunate reality that it has happened. We've since had therapists talk to her about these issues and she's not as likely to front without her caretaker now which is very good.

How do Littles get paired with caretakers? How does this work, as well, when neither of them is fronting? What do caretakers do?

Ours got paired out of necessity to be quite honest. It can be very dangerous to have her fronting at times, and it became so important to make sure she wasn't fronting alone because of that. Caretakers are alters who try to help with emotions or strong feelings. Ours helped one of our trauma holders to get through pretty serious feelings of self hate, and I've had her talk to me when I'm feeling particularly depressed. In terms of system structure, tw for sh, she was created because of sh and attempts, and provided a voice of reason during some of my worst moments when struggling with those thoughts. 

What kind of nonhuman alter is your host?

Hi, I'm a wolf. Though, an odd one because I speak

Does switching while dreaming affect your sleep? Do you wake up? Do you get less sleep on nights when that happens? Do the dreams get weird when you switch in the middle? (I’d love to hear sleep specialists try to explain, and get confused, about sleep switching… Hehe) XD

Very much. We were prescribed meds just for our sleep because of how horrible it's gotten at times, between all the flashbacks, trauma nightmares, switching, and dissociating. Sometimes it outright wakes me up when I switch mid sleep, it feels so sudden and I get startled awake. However, thankfully, and kind of with the help of sleep meds, I can stay asleep and just go on with my own dream once I've switched in mid sleep. It'd be very very very interesting to be part of a sleep study I think, I wonder what would happen?

Hi, Jessica! Did you switch immediately after answering that question, or did you stay for the rest of the post?

She says she switched about a half hour after posting, but really appreciates the conversation

Does the whole system prefer she/her, or does it depend on the alter? Is anyone offended when they’re misgendered or misidentified?

It really does depend on the alter, we have a wide variety of different identities here, so some really value and prefer certain pronouns, and some who couldn't care less. I personally don't like being misgendered, but it's less of offense and more because I value my differences and personal identity, so if I'm ever misgendered I just like to understand why. Thankfully that's not really an issue because we're female bodily, but we have had it happen where an alter fronts who uses he/him or they/them and gets comfortable with someone who uses those pronouns for them. This was partly how I began to notice lost time actually, speaking with others who knew me as someone who I'm personally not. 

How can we tell who’s fronting in your system? Especially on here, when we can’t rely on visual cues?

Very important question. Kai really likes his privacy, so often he won't even identify himself. Jess doesn't mind so much, but she forgets to a lot. I do try to identify myself though, so please do ask if we haven't identified who's talking at any particular time. Apologies in advanced if it gets confusing though

Feel free to ignore if it’s too personal, but what are Jessica and Kai’s roles in the system? I’m just trying to get a better mental picture of who is who :)

Kai is a trauma holder, he holds a very specific event from one of our traumas. He really likes privacy, so I wouldn't be able to say much more. If he fronts again and feels up to it, I think he might be able to answer you himself though moving forward
Jessica is a caretaker, she's really gentle and loves to help as much as she can, sometimes she doesn't know boundaries internally, but she's gotten much better at it over time

(there are over 80 of us. That i know of, that is)

It's alright, thank you for asking and contributing to a conversation. I for one love engaging in conversations

Thank you for all the questions, I probably and creating more questions as I answer, which is a good thing, but also I apologize if I'm not being descriptive enough