Breaking Out of the Mental Prison
Occasionally, we might find ourselves trapped in a cycle of repeated mistakes or challenges. This can create a feeling of confinement, as if negative emotions are inescapable – a kind of mental or emotional prison.
If you're interested in exploring this theme further, consider watching the movie "The Shawshank Redemption." It's highly rated, but be prepared for some intense scenes.
While prison break movies are entertaining, being the imprisoned character wouldn't be. The path to freedom in these films is often slow, methodical, and reliant on luck. The characters face numerous obstacles that can take years to overcome before they finally achieve liberation. They have to solve a lot of problems to break free.
Inadvertently, I've transformed into a problem connoisseur—someone who deeply values and understands problems and the process of finding solutions.
I engaged in numerous problem-solving activities growing up to support my family. Later, I founded a couple of startups, which are essentially group problem-solving endeavors. Progress is directly proportional to the number of problems solved. Similarly, 7 Cups functions as a collective problem-solving platform. The more problems we solve, the more individuals we assist, and the stronger we grow.
It seems counter-intuitive, but the fastest way to get out of mental prison is to solve the next biggest problem in front of you.
Problems are much stronger than we give them credit for. They are not simply to be avoided; solving them is beneficial to our growth. Problems indicate a lack of understanding or awareness, and they are difficult because we don't know how to solve them. They highlight what we are missing or what we don't quite understand about life. In a way, they are a form of gentle mercy. If ignored, however, they can quickly become more severe. As Oprah said, "first the universe knocks and then it yells” or “small difficulties help us avoid big difficulties.”
I try to prioritize listening to early signals and indications that something might be amiss. When I notice these signals, I try to understand their message. As Jung suggested, symptoms often hold the key to deeper issues. Instead of dismissing our symptoms, we should strive to decode their important messages.
When you solve a problem, your understanding and awareness increase. You learn and grow, expanding your consciousness and developing new skills. With these new skills, you are better equipped to help others who face similar challenges.
Many of us come from families with a lot of challenges. We can inherit these problems in the form of epigenetics (generational trauma is a related idea). We don’t need to get too into the details, but the gist of it is that if our parents and their parents and so on don’t solve their challenges, then they can be passed down to us. If we don’t solve them, then they can be passed along to our children. This is yet another reason to try to solve as many problems as you can so you can be healthy, strong, and set up anyone depending upon you to also thrive.
Think of a mental prison as having a door. The more problems you solve, the less time you have to stay in the prison. If you solve a lot of problems, then you might just be stuck in there for a bit as you puzzle out how to solve the current problem. Once you solve it, you are free to leave. If you don’t solve problems, then it might feel like you are in there all the time. @hope shared a quote: “'The irony of avoiding discomfort is that everything ends up feeling uncomfortable. No one is more uncomfortable than the person who avoids all discomfort.”
It is important to note that not all problems are solvable. Sometimes they are just way too difficult or complex. Other times, the timing just isn’t right - meaning that there might not be enough information available. When that new information does become available, then you can solve the problem. The key is to focus on the problems you can solve.
Here are the stages I’ve gone through in life.
1. I don’t like this problem. I wish it would just go away.
2. This problem is causing me more pain and further restricting my life (prison)
3. Okay I need to solve this problem to get some freedom here.
4. Ohh, interesting, solving that problem gave me a new skill or insight that I wasn’t expecting.
5. Okay, cool, solving these problems helps me help others solve their problems.
6. I still don’t love problem solving, especially unexpected problems that surprise me.
7. Hmm, even these unexpected problems are good.
8. Woah, problems are actually really helpful.
9. The more problems I solve the more aware, free, and conscious I become.
10. Actively trying to see problems as good because I know they will help me grow and learn how to better help others.
One title for this post was going to be Advanced Resiliency Medicine (ARM💪) The core idea was looking at life’s problems as holding a secret message. The secret message is hidden in the people and circumstances in the challenge. The message has to be decoded in order to unlock the Advanced Resilience, Medicine (ARM💪) it holds. The ARM is what heals and strengthens you, preparing you for the next challenge.
Advanced - because personalized or tailored to your unique skills and level in life.
Resiliency - because it breaks you down where you are weak to expose bad assumptions.
Medicine - because it heals you and allows you to use the energy that was previously hurting you prior to solving the challenge.
The key point is that problems get a bad wrap. They are holding secret information that is tailored just for us. When we solve them we heal and get smarter - more aware/conscious/insightful - and we are then better able to help others.
All of the above is on an individual level, but the same thing happens on a group/community/collective level as well. Our community is made up of people. When we solve our own problems, we become better at helping others. When this happens across an entire community, all of the people in the community - and the community as a whole - gets much smarter and more aware and able to solve problems. We grow as individuals when we solve problems and we grow as a community when we solve problems.
Try this activity to understand the problem solving process while applying it in real time:
Identify the Problem: Recognize how the problem is affecting your life. Stick to facts.
Define Goals: Decide what you want to achieve. Be specific
Brainstorm Solutions: Come up with different strategies - there are no right or wrong answers and you can be as creative as you like
Evaluate Your Options: What are the pros and cons of each solution?
Make a Plan: Choose the best/easiest solution to follow
Follow Through: Commit to trying the selected solution for X time, at least 1-2 weeks.
Review and Adjust: What did you learn? Regularly assess how the solution went for you and make any adjustments - you can also pick alternative solutions to test the process with once again.
Please share any thoughts, comments, and reflections below. We will also be adding a new focus on problem solving with a couple of groups / discussions focused on it in the not too distant future.
Also, if you have a challenge and you’d like help thinking through how to solve it, then please post here and we’ll help. Or, if you are already working on a problem and just want some encouragement, then know we are here for you and will cheer you on!
@GlenM
Thank you for this post, Glen. It's really interesting and useful. ♥️
@Antonio7Cups thank you Antonio! Useful is a high compliment!
@GlenM Thank you for sharing this post. "The only way to solve a problem is to face it" - often times, we all are so distressed by our life being full of problems and are not fully aware on how to find the support to try resolve some of them which are in our control.
"A problem well stated is a problem half solved" - I enjoyed contributing to this post with the activity because I have found it helps a lot for people facing a variety of problems. Just being aware of the problem, how it is affecting us, how we want to change it or how we can find some relief is all very powerful.
I look forward to everyone's thoughts too - having dedicated groups for this process and practicing it will be a great addition to our community.
@SoulfullyAButterfly I like that quote - a problem well stated is a problem half solved. Sometimes anxiety about a problem gets the best of us because the problem can feel vague, uncertain, almost like a foreboding cloud. You are spot on - if we can define it, then we can begin to see the real shape of it and most of the time it is more manageable than we realized.
Thank you for sharing that quote and for the help on the exercise! Yes, I look forward to the groups!
@GlenM Thank you Glen for another wisdom nugget. It is thought-provoking and provides a nice roadmap for personal growth and resilience. The analogy of mental prison and problem-solving is the path that is relatable.
I like the part about reframing problems as gentle mercy. It can really help to shift the perspective from viewing them as obstacles to viewing them as opportunities to learn and grow. This one reminds me of this thought from A.Einstein, "In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunities."
It shows that everything we might see as purely negative may not be that negative. They can have the potential to shape your experiences and help you self-discover and advance.
@ASilentObserver thank you Obs! I'm glad it was helpful. You too have been a problem connoisseur here for a while! What helps you see past the negativity in problems to unlock the good in them? Like how do you do it? If you were to explain it to someone, what would you say?
@GlenM Thank you Glen. I firmly believe in small steps, and learned it the hard way. I see the past negativity in problems by utilizing a gardener's perspective. As garden is filled with all sorts of plants and trees and some of them can be thorny ones like a rose plant. At first, all you may see are sharp thorns that can potentially hurt and cause pain and the frustration of getting pricked. But a gardener knows that hidden within those thorns, there is a beautiful rose. The same rose that we use to symbolize love and care for one.
It taught us an important lesson that just as the rose has thorns, life or relationships can be challenged with challenges and struggles, too. But as a gardener, we need to be gentle and focus on the underlying purpose and not solely focus on the challenges. One has to be gentle in their steps, take their time, and believe in the process that past the challenges, there is something nice waiting for them.
Also, the gardener teaches us to be patient and determined. Like how a rose takes time to bloom and requires a streamlined process to grow, it is not an overnight process.
I will sum it up as 3Ps- Purpose, Patience & Practice.
1. Every challenge and event has a purpose. When you know your "Why" it is important for you and what is in it for you, you may feel more determined and committed to navigate that challenge.
2. It requires a lot of patience to streamline the whole process and figure out the path. The path may not be clear from the beginning, it is like walking in a dense fog. All you can focus on is your immediate and gentle step.
3. There is something to learn from everything, and everything can make you learn more than one thing. That requires practice. The more you are invested in it and making your attempts, the better you will get to know the better steps.
I believe if one can figure out and focus on these 3Ps, they can make the most out of it and develop the gardener perspective. However, initially, it may not be easy; it may feel awkward and make no sense at times or feel like we are not good enough at problem-solving. But this is where recalling their why (purpose) helps them continue the journey of problem-solving.
@ASilentObserver
I'm curious about this bit:
"Every challenge and event has a purpose."
I can't see this. Some things have a purpose eg the purpose of feeling hungry is to eat, so as to not die of hunger. But a random physical event like my car suspension breaking has no purpose, its just a product of physics.
I totally agree that I can choose to see it as an opportunity to learn and grow, so I can put a purpose on any event. (Too often I give it the purpose of intentionally messing up my day! lol). But the event itself having purpose, how? Physics has no purpose, it just is.
@Clio9876 Hello Clio, thank you for your thoughts on inherent and assigned purpose, which you articulated perfectly. You are so right about physics and a car suspension breaking not having a predetermined or intentional purpose, but if we see it as an opportunity to learn or grow, we can see it as learning about car maintenance, improving the problem, and so on. So, let's say that even if you initially reacted negatively or were frustrated due to a day getting messed up, you may choose to shift your perspective and find a more constructive way to respond to it. Sometimes, the purpose is simply to accept that there are things that are not in our control due to different variables in play. But how we learn to cope with those uncertainties and build resilience can be a good purpose to focus on.
So I believe I should have phrased it better that you can find or create purpose in every challenge. Every challenge presents an opportunity for growth, even if the event seems random. And for sure, how we respond and interpret can give meaning to it.
To sum up, we can say that every challenge or event may or may not have an inherent purpose. and that's okay. We can shift our focus on assigning purpose and shape our experiences to be meaningful. If you are feeling challenged to do so, please be kind and gentle to yourself.
I hope it helps, and thank you for good question. I appreciate your insights and reflection.
@ASilentObserver
Thanks for the clarification. It makes a whole lot more sense now.
And thank you for your patience in answering my question. That in particular is very helpful to me.
@ASilentObserver this is lovely picture Obs. And the deep patience is the key theme I hear coming through. Thank you for spelling this out and sharing this metaphor. You are a careful gardener!
@GlenM
A very important topic! Thank you for covering it. I especially like the post title. The post reminds me of a quote 'Fear is a mile wide and an inch deep'. Most of us are weighed down by our problems because of the weight of added imagined troubles. We overthink ourselves into a dark pit/mental prison. If you feel like you too are stuck in this mental prison, know that the key lies in realizing that you can only do so much in one day and all you need to is just focus on the task at hand.
“I can't see a way through," said the boy. "Can you see your next step?" "Yes." "Just take that," said the horse.”
― Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
I am especially grateful for the activity attached. Sometimes we know what is important but struggle with how to move in that direction. I believe the key to problem-solving is movement, getting out of the rut/stopping procrastinating. If you keep walking, you will get somewhere. Just take consistent steps in the direction of solving your problems. Don't wait for them to end to live your life. The problem is the path!
I think it helps to know that every human being is dealing with some problem at all time. I have great empathy for anyone who is struggling to see a way out of this prison but know that it gets better but facing your problem is the only way out. The activity in this post is a great way to plan your way out!
I look forward to seeing others' answers!
@Hope thank you for these quotes and comments! You bring up an important point is that the key is to just get started. It seems really tough, but as soon as you get walking it'll be easier. I also like the point about not having to do it all at once. We can take it one step at a time. What do you say to yourself in order to take that first step? What helps?
@GlenM
I rely heavily on religion. It is helpful to me to know that I did not design these problems, nor do I control the outcomes. The one who picked it knows my best interest and can make the best decision for me. The thought process is in alignment with your take on problems, they are tailored lessons! Specifically designed to fit your life. I am sometimes taken aback by the fact that there are billions of us humans and yet every single one of us deal with own set of unique problems. Even people living in the same house have different sets of problems. If that is not tailor made, I don't know what is!
If you are not religious, quotes can help and if not that then it helps to have a support system, people who can cheer you on.
But whatever you pick, do not confide in people who tend to ignore problems or love you so much that they can not see you in any discomfort. This one step has personally helped me a lot in not avoiding problems. I believe the key is not going to people who you know will encourage avoidance. We all have people in our lives that are well intentioned but unhelpful when we wish to explore new territory. Reminds me of another quote 'When embarking on a journey, do not take advice from people who never left home'
@Hope very insightful! And, yes, we need people to help us face challenges - people that are hoping for us to be courageous - rather than stay stuck in prisons. That is a tricky one!
@GlenM I'm glad those reflections resonated with you! You've highlighted a crucial insight - the hardest part is often just beginning, but momentum builds once we're in motion.
For that critical first step, here are some approaches that have helped many people:
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The five-second rule - count down from 5 and commit to moving at zero, before your brain can rationalize delay
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Breaking it down to the smallest possible action - "I'll just put on my walking shoes" or "I'll just walk to the end of the block"
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Permission for imperfection - "This doesn't have to be my best effort, it just needs to happen"
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Future-focused self-talk - "How will I feel in an hour if I take this walk versus if I don't?"
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Creating accountability through commitment - telling someone else or scheduling it as a non-negotiable appointment
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Acknowledging resistance while acting anyway - "I notice I don't want to do this, and I'm going to start walking"
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Connecting to values - "This walk aligns with my commitment to health/wellbeing/stress management"
What tends to work best is finding your personal pattern breaker - the specific phrase or action that consistently helps you overcome that initial resistance. It's often highly individual.
What have you found works best for you in other contexts where you've successfully overcome procrastination or resistance?
@GlenM
This was a very insightful post and well-explained explained. I've got lots of work to do❤️
@WorkingitThrough2 I'm glad you found it to be insightful! We all have lots of work to do! The good news is we can help one another. And sometimes people know where the ladders are so we can climb up directly rather than having to go around and around the mountain :)
@GlenM thankyou Glen💗 I have 300000 problems, I always kinda try to ignore my problems as much as possible. It's not a great approach and doesn't really work out well. But I'm trying my best🙂💗
@Tinywhisper11 You are not alone Tiny! This is a very common strategy and can actually be helpful, especially when you are in the thick of things. Ignoring - or what some call denial - can be adaptive! e.g., if you are going through a crisis, then you don't really want to look at the "reality" of things. Instead, it is a good coping strategy to just push through and tell yourself that it will get better. This can then become a self-fulfilling prophecy and help things actually get better!
The challenges happen when we are rigidly using denial - or other defenses - and not allowing ourselves to grow. One thing we need to let down those defenses is a lot of support and help from others. When we feel safe, we can let things go that maybe at one time helped us but are now less than helpful.
One step at a time my friend!
@GlenM one step at a time♿♿ 😂😂😂😂😂 I can't do that😂😂
Glen this site you created has been a life line for me, I feel safe here, I can be who I really am. I don't have to hide of be afraid to open up here. So from the bottom of my heart, thankyou💗 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗
@Tinywhisper11 thank you for those kind words! A big hug to you too! The secret is all of the people in our community. They are the very best - warm, loving, kind and non-judgmental. The ingredients we all need to grow!
@GlenM 💗💗 yes Thank you everyone💗💗
@GlenM
wow, amazing Community Post, and i can really relate to all of the suggestions and ideas in this post!
by the way, i have watched the movie "The Shawshank Redemption", quite some time ago, and i really really love the way that the movie ends, with the main character escaping from "the situation" he was in and overcoming all obstacles that seemed insurmountable by finding a series of solutions to "his situation".
this community post is highly informative and thought provoking, i like every question that is presented here, seems that all these questions are universally applicable to any and every person, including myself!
@GlenM thanks once again!
@NewYorker11 Thank you for the kind words! Such a great movie. I love the ending too. The way you are describing it reminds me a little bit of the Truman Show. Two entirely different movies, but similar escape themes.
I think one growth area for us this year will be to learn how to better support one another in problem solving. Your ideas are very welcome here as to how we can do a better job with this!
@GlenM
@GlenM thanks so much for your response GlenM, this means alot coming from you!
agreed, problem solving is very healthy in everyones' lives, and thanks again for the awesome Community Post!
btw The Truman Show was amazing as well! the concept of someone's life being a movie, that he did not know about in the first place... very original!
@GlenM
This reminds me of Pope Francis quote, "Don't be a prisoner of your mistakes. Don't look at your mistakes, but look at Jesus instead."
@VictoriaLove7 I like this quote! Yes, I think a big part of being in the mental prison can focus on mistakes, regrets; things we've already spent a lot of time looking at. Letting them go or laying them down is key. They are heavy and we can walk out without them :)
@GlenM
This was an inspiring post Glen, thanks for sharing your reflections. I like this quote by Napoleon Hill and I think it helps put looking at challenges in perspective.
"Opportunity often comes disguised as misfortune or temporary defeat."
@aCalmOasis what a great quote! I really like that temporary defeat. It seems like so much of this just comes down to not giving up. And the joy when you finally make it through to the other side!
