TW- Abusive relationship
Hey, so I just got out of a 9 month old relationship which was toxic and abusive, I was kinda hoping to talk to some woman who had similar experiences like mine, I’m a 21 year old girl, and it has been really hard, I’m kinda also ashamed of myself for still feeling love that person, and that the same time hate him, i understand going back isn’t the option at all and at the same time i miss him a lot and the good memories flood in and I miss the familiarity, it’s been confusing, it’s been a month since we broke up and he’s asking me back as well🧿
@raspberryBranch1257 Hello. I think the most important question here is: Do you come from an abusive home environment? Have you been rejected, neglected or mistreated before? If the answer is "yes", that can be the reason why a relationship with someone behaving in a toxic and abusive way may feel familiar to you.
In such a situation I believe it might be very important for you to improve your self-esteem and to remove from you the thoughts like "I don't deserve anything better". How would you like some work on that with a therapist?
Hey,
I can relate, I come from a toxic family environment, my father is a narcissist and the rest of my family members deeply chauvinistic. I’m currently in an abusive relationship, and I have tried leaving once already, I had the same issue all the happy memories suddenly overwhelming me, the lack of self belief that my family and my partner have instilled in me, making me feel like I couldn’t make it on my own and also the trauma bond were too strong and I went back to him even though even while we weren’t together he kept abusing me. I’m now in the same place I was a couple of years ago, wanting to leave so I agree the first step should be inner work. Abusers bring you down and make you doubt yourself so they can have control over you and never leave, that’s why building a strong self steem is so important. I come from a discouraging family environment so Im having to learn that as an adult. Also, the way the trauma bond works as well is by treating you badly, abusing you, whatever form that takes in your case. In mind it is through gaslighting, blame shifting, manipulation, verbal (name calling) and sometimes physical abuse. I’ve learnt that asking for the behaviour to stop doesn’t work, I’ve done couples therapy, ask him to go to therapy, gone myself. I’ve learnt that Abusers will never change because their behaviour serves them, they are not capable of love, so the first step is asking yourself what you deserve and stop trying to get love from him. It has taken me a long long time to get here, I’m really sorry you experienced this, and I hope you are ok now, I hope that unlike me you found your way out and feel loved and safe now.
