Questioning My Sexuality and Relationships
Hello all! I originally came here for lgbtq+ support but couldn't find it at first lol. I'm not sure how to summarize this but I'll try!
Since I was young I identified as pan, which to me meant loving everyone for who they are not what they identify as (if that makes sense). Currently I have a partner, when we got together she was a trans woman. About a year into our relationship she decided that it would be more beneficial if she went back to her deadname and he/him pronouns, I supported him. Then again she was a trans woman. Then reverted to he/him and went into the marine corp. Then while in his schoolhouse told me she was a trans woman again. Now he's back to he/him and legal name. This doesn't bother me one bit, I still love my partner.
Recently we hit a rough patch and I find myself missing how our relationship was, I realized what I miss was how he treated me and acted when she went by Sophia. He would be kinder, softer, more open and affectionate. It could be that he sees these things as feminine so when he's presenting as a man he doesn't do these things but that's what I love and want in the relationship. I've had other issues as well (NSFW) that leads me to believe maybe I'm lesbian? Or pan with a preference to femmes? (if that's the right term) My partner is my highschool sweetheart and the last time I dated a femme was jr high, maybe it's my lack of experience with women/fem presenting people? I'm really confused and I don't want to talk to my partner yet because I'm afraid it'll put more stress on him and trying to figure out his identity and that is the last thing I want. Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)
(If anything in here is inaccurate or offends anyone pls let me know! That is not my intention)
It makes sense that you’d miss the affection and kindness your partner showed when they were presenting as a woman, and it’s completely normal to feel like you want those qualities in the relationship. It’s important to remember that your feelings about your partner’s gender presentation don't define how much you love them, and they don’t diminish the care you have for them, no matter what pronouns or gender they are using. Sometimes, attraction can feel fluid, and your experiences and preferences can evolve as you grow and discover more about yourself. It’s also okay to question things like being pan or having a preference for femme-presenting individuals.