Hesitations

@MysteriouslyFound1893

Thanks for bringing up this topic. Reaching out for support can be challenging for many people!

I usually try to deal with my problems on my own but when I realize it does not work, I will reach out to someone here for support. 

@MysteriouslyFound1893 

Hi! I think the best thing to keep in mind is that listeners want to help you and are here to talk about your problems. Honestly, I joined this app as a listener because I feel better when I'm supporting people through their issues. So just keep that in mind that listeners really are here to help, and please don't hesitate to reach out!

@MysteriouslyFound1893

pretty good except for the extremem toothache

I haven’t reached out to a listener. Frankly I’m not sure they would have the skills to help me.

It’s okay though. I have therapy and other supports.

Yeah, I do. I've been staring at listener profiles for hours :) Thanks for asking this important question - I think you're the first ever who did.

There are so many reasons, though...

* Cups general chat requests ask you to choose a topic. I usually can't really pinpoint what's wrong, so that one is out.
* many listener profiles state that they're not available for member chats
* some listeners have spooky messages there - 'follow you into the dark' - HELP, NOOOO ;-) (there are worse ones out there - but imagine someone is suffering from paranoia, how that must sound to them!).
* most listeners are younger by a vast amount of years or from corners of the world where life is very different, which makes it difficult to imagine they will be able to understand and not think badly of me
* some listeners (e.g. in the new classifieds threads) say things like 'I listen to topic X, but not to topic Y', when topic Y is a (or even *the main*) symptom of X. That already demonstrates they don't have a basic understanding of what they're talking about.
* some listeners have a lot of disclaimers and threatening messages on their profiles. While I understand they are annoyed by trolls and people looking for a different kind of comfort, it often sounds pretty deterring to others, too.
* some listeners write so much about their own issues that I would never want to come to them with my small problems - they clearly have enough on their plate already, and would likely see me as someone whose problems are less than their own. Also makes it more likely they will just vanish at some point.
* I have a hard time knowing whether my problems are relevant enough or not
* I'm worried about privacy
* I've had listeners who were suggesting off-site contact, and some who did not even listen.
* I want a listener who is able to hold up their own boundaries, so I don't have to do it for them - and most people here are so much about 'helping' that I'd be scared I might be asking too much of them
* many listeners - either unintentionally or carelessly - are very unreliable. This is something I can't deal well with, and having experienced that a couple times, and knowing how badly that works out for me, makes it very difficult to look again.

The best listener profiles are those who have an inviting bio text with clear boundaries stated, but not in a defensive way. Also, if they have some small thing that one can 'latch on to' in the first message - like a riddle, or a question, or some fun fact. And if they don't ask for you to already know exactly what your problem is.

That said, I've been lucky enough to find someone reliable, not overly emotional, non-assuming, but I wish everyone here had a chance of that.

@MysteriouslyFound1893 nice to meet you. The biggest thing that would make me not reach out is inferiority and vulnerability 😊

@MysteriouslyFound1893 doing better as people like you exist to ask how I am .