the bagpack is heavy.
the bagpack feels heavier, a thought steals the light
"my woes drag us down" it whispers at night
they say you aren't heavy, they say you aren't pain
but i see the effort, the strain and the gain
to carry someone who feels like a stone
to hold a hand that lives to be lone.
i, a wilting vine that twines too tight
who saps the sun and dims your light
you search for a flower, a reason to stay
but find only sand, slipping all the reasons away.
each social tether, a pull on the soul
yearning for respite to make oneself whole
is isolation an answer to flight from a fray?
do problems left silent simply melt away?
@suu1309
beautiful
@Heather225 thank youu so much friend.🩷
@suu1309 that's really sad 😢 but so beautifully written 💗 there is magic in your words💗 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗
@Tinywhisper11 *receives the hug happily and smiles at her best*. thank you soo much<3
@suu1309 💖💖
@suu1309
Your poem is very melancholic and elicits a slow creeping sadness in the reader. The tight rhyming couplets you have employed give the poem a steady beat, like trudged weary steps, really setting off the metaphor of the backpack of woes that you set up from the start.
I thought the highlighting of the disconnect between internal experience and external perceptions was done very nicely. It came across with a sense of self doubt and vulnerability rather than a more blatant rejection/confrontation. The line about the wilting vine was incredibly sad, as it seems to voice an all too common fear that ones own desperate need ends up being the source of further pain. We cling too tight and strangle what we hoped to hold on to.
The final stanza is very effective; keeping it to just a single couplet ends the poem so abruptly and draws focus to the existential questions you raise. The questions seem rhetoric, and from the tone of the poem feel like a lonely attempt to convince oneself that withdrawing and staying silent is really an answer rather than a state one falls into out of doubt and hurt.
It was very sad to read, but I am glad you shared it with us all.
@BastionKnight i can not put it into words how deeply blessed i feel to see you resonate with and understand my words. no truer blessing for a poet than to see her seemingly creepy and agonizing thoughts be understood. yes self doubt crept in me while writing this. the feeling that i can never be enough to anyone and all those nuisance thoughts. having seen in life how everytime every single confrontation gave me none but guilt, i embraced silence. i am heavily moved by your words, by your appreciation, thank you. thank you for making me feel seen, thank you for making me feel heard. i adore you.
@suu1309
*Smiles kindly*
It was my pleasure.