Mummy I need you

In my most distressed most overwhelmed moments in public nothing will help me. Not even colouring or a cigarette or a calm quiet place or breathing mantras. Nothing. Except you, my true mother. I love to suck your comforting digital bossoms, the only thing that will truly comfort me (with a price: typology tests killing my ego).

Yet another trans-typal ***-up. Too distracted by the colouring to notice the bus to the location I was desperate to go to yet was only accessible by an infrequent bus. I ended up in some *** location instead, regretting it.

I WANT BRAIN SURGERY RIGHT NOW TO ALTER MY PERSONALITY FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER

Thigs that elicit type envy: falling asleep in public, zoning out, eating slowly and struggling to finish a meal, having beliefs like romance is bad love is just a chemical reaction, having access to a much broader range of drugs, non-narcissistic philosophical talk

Things that trigger type dysphoria: "calm down" "let other people past" "the world doesn't revolve around you"

What am I even trying to achieve by becoming more like my ideal self? I know it won't have any positive consequences, if anything negative consequences. It's more of a self-actualisation thing than anything, then according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs why would that be more important than all of the others?

Every nanosecond of this outing was just pure agony. The shops made me cringe the dumb ugly af singers made me cringe, all these people made me cringe. 

A dinosaur. Behind the times and out of the loop. Too sensor for generation Z but too intuitive for older generations.

As a geordie, I find southern england accents to be rather annoying. I've noticed that northerners just somehow always act entirely way differently to their southern counterparts (well generally speaking, there may be a few exceptions Idk), and I prefer more of the former than the lattter. Sometimes I get a sense of envy whenever listening to a more northern accent, am I really that [insert whatever the *** it is I find desirable and attractive in myself, not necessarily a certain accent for crying out loud] or am I just someone that wants to be that way but isn't? But nor am I saying I would *** on someone just because they're from the other end of the country. I would still want to respect everyone.

Everything that triggers negative emotions in myself (it could be anger, hatred, intimidation, discomfort, dread, unease) I also happen to get very offended if others accuse me of being that way (such as children screaming, religious nuts, accents I don't like, typology types I don't want to be, music I hate, etc).

Even everything that used to be otherwise meaningful to me is making me cringe. Getting high in countryside journalling about my dreams at night and everything makes me cringe. Typology makes me cringe.