I'm not a man yet
Trigger Warning - Sexual Assault
I'm not a man yet, but I was sexually harassed by a girl who is about one year older than me. I felt uncomfortable and said no but she still touched me. I didn't smile or laugh during the process except I laughed when she touche day tickle spot. I felt uncomfortable but she didn't stop there, she continued until I ejaculated and was tired and continued. She ask for my consent and even though I said no she did it anyways, and trying to convince me to have sex but I didn't feel wanting to have sex either. I just wanted her to stop asking. I tried hugging her but she said it wasn't enough. She shamed me for not being man enough, not being a normal sexuality person. I feel bad. 😞
@andrewtan99
Well, it's a difficult situation, but you need to calm down. You're not that experienced in this yet, right? In any case, you don't need to be embarrassed or consider yourself bad because of the words of a *** girl. Intimacy is also about emotions, trust. If she did it against your will, then your feelings are completely normal, and you could not react differently. She did the wrong thing and it's terrible, but try to calm down, it doesn't say anything about you and your masculinity. Everything has its time, and everyone will have their own special person
Thx, she was having a bad day/week herself, that's why she said negative stuff about me, but that's no reason to say something like that anyways. I forgived her and we talked about it. We came to the conclusion later is that we'd forgive each other when things like these happens. Because *** happens without us expecting and sometimes just letting them cool down their emotional temperament while loving them makes it so that they realizing their own mistakes and apologizing later. Just stopping them will make them even more angry.
@andrewtan99
Hey. Let's assume it was a normal attempt to reach some intimacy in a loving, both physical and emotional relationship with a woman. Then we could say knowledge of your sexuality is not something you are born with, but it is something you gradually learn, step by step.
But as far as I understand it from your description it was harassment or an assault, the kind of intimacy you didn't want. Just try to reverse the roles: if you were a girl and she was a boy, the heaviest guns would be aimed at this person and the whole thing could be regarded as criminal.
What I wanted to say: maybe it's some kind of young people "experimenting" with their bodies going wrong, but an abuse (going farther when someone is saying a clear "no") is an abuse, and let's call it by name. And I don't understand why are you still in touch with this person, who is crossing your boundaries for a year (as you said earlier), and calling her your friend (?).
It seems like your boundaries were violated so many times, that you don't know where your own territory starts and ends. It can result in your being abused when you even don't fully realise it (or you are gaslighted to believe you are undeserving, bad to the bone or wrong), and treat it just like something "normal".
As far as I understand your personal history, you have experienced a lot of abuse/trauma from your father (like being forced to drink alcohol or sleep deprivation) and some additional issues, like porn addiction or addiction to electronic devices. It requires a lot of work - like disassembling a wall brick by brick - is there any chance you could start to work on that with a therapist?
Actually we are bf and gf according to her. I will say the same thing too. I remember correctly, it wasn't my father who forced but one my former classmates. I'm sorry I was struggling for help so I posted even while remembering it wrongly. I later developed porn addiction under alcohol influence. I'm guess that's where my electronic device addiction came from too. While my parents fight, my alcohol influenced mind decided to stop doing hard work because of a lot of talk fight in my home, fyi my parents fight until 1am and I can't sleep and developed a low level of insomnia until one day I ended up drunk because of a former classmate poured beer down my mouth while I was taking a nap in class while he was forced to do so by another former schoolmate. I am working with a therapist already, thx.
@andrewtan99
Pouring anything into the throat of a person who is sleeping looks like an extremely bad idea (if trying to call it extremely mildly). In some circumstances even a small amount of drink in your lungs can make you "drown".
She did sometimes hold a knife against my throat until I say something she likes though, sometimes it's a "yes" from me before sexual behaviour. I feel like she's forcing me to consent because she held the knife against my throat after I said "no" to her request of sexual behaviours.
@andrewtan99
As far as I can understand it, being a teenager, going to school and growing in some kind of neighborhood might be limiting your friendship choices, but yours seem to be dangerous.
Do you think this kind of company is supportive to your healing? What makes you being a boyfriend to a girl with a knife and meet "former classmates"? If they are former, I believe it is kind of your choice to keep with them?
She was teaching me how "threatening" works, she also asked me to never use it in my life, and try to run as far as possible if I faced one. My "former classmates" sometimes find me and say hi. I went to find them once.
You're right, we were experimenting. I'm so sorry for saying it wrong I was nervous too. I'll say she didn't sexually harass me but something just went wrong even though I said yes(consenting to sexual intimacy and sexual behaviour). Thanks for the insights.
I have read all the messages in this thread (as of present time). I would say, the relationship that you are in as well as the friend circle you are in are dangerous.
As for that girl, please get away from her. No matter how much she threatens you. She is basically manipulating you. That's NOT okay! It's 'YOU' who has to choose whether you want to have or what you want.. Not her.
I recommend you to get away from her. A thorn should be cut off right from the start, else it will only continue to grow.
And its good that you are seeking a therapist. I wish you good luck in your journey and pray for your happiness.
