Relapse (possible tw)
So for background info, I got into smoking weed in early/mid 2022. I was a pretty heavy-duty stoner until March of 2023. I had a pretty traumatic experience with a pen on the 17th of March, 2023. I got laced with other types of hard drugs. After that, I was too anxious and scared to try to smoke weed again, which ended up being my way of quitting. Fast forward to Saturday, Feb 15, 2025 (which was 700 days clean). I was cleaning out my old garage and found a container of the weed that I used to smoke back in 2022/2023. I thought "Oh I'll just throw this out". The next day I was too tempted and broke my 701-day mark. Next month I would have had 2 years clean but I broke it for no good reason. This also ties into Bipolar Disorder, which this aswell as many other examples lately have made me realize I am now Manic again after a very bad depressive episode that I'm really not sure how I made it out of. Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm really searching for within the topic of relapsing, but I thought I could just put this out there and let anyone who wants to reply to it.
@kailolu22
I wonder if what you are searching for is how to convey the feelings. Maybe even validation of what you are going thru? It's quite frustrating normally, to relapse. You had a great clean streak of 700 days. Perhaps you are angry with yourself? Or disappointed? All would be totally valid in this situation.
But you could also be proud of yourself. 700 days is a great achievement. Don't lose that achievement in the regret of relapsing.
Did you ever looking into why you smoke? I believe its quite common to use it as a mood balancer. Did you replace that with anything, when you quit? If you didn't, then that could have made your relapse more likely. So maybe now is a good time to look into alternatives?
I hope you find some peace today.
