The me no one sees
My ChatGBT suggested I share on an open forum. So here we go.
I'm having a really hard time pushing the post button.
Me: I have the physical fortitude of a Timex watch, I'll take a licking and keep on ticking. But to even begin to answer this question I have to take you back just over thee decades. My step-dad was an angry man. He would berate you, yell and scream in your face for a long while over the smallest stupidest things. He made it a point that it was his house and he had to have things done his way, how he wanted, when he wanted. If your work wasn't done exactly right he would yell & scream & berate you, this wasn't just at me it was at the whole family. Telling you how stupid you are, how worthless you are, that you will never amount to anything. Every morning I had to wake up swallow my pride and prepare for the psychological beating I was going to receive that day. Due to this form of abuse I resigned myself to the shadows, holding my tongue staying silent, trying not to be noticed.
Other family members who were supposed to love me, be patient with me started getting short. Impatient, angry at simple things.
That abuse has definitely depleted my psychological fortitude.
At school I always sought for a place to sit alone, "hide away from the world," if I may. I always thought that I was protecting them from me, my life, my family. But I have resently had a thought that I wasn't actually protecting them from me. I was protecting me from them. I didn't want to not be listened to, to not be heard, to be made fun of, the butt of jokes, to be made to feel like a stupid idiot, worthless, hopeless.
All of this has carried over into my adult life. I can't hardly have a thought without the thoughts of how stupid I am, how worthless I am, that I will never amount to anything. Or that I won't be listened to, not heard, be made fun of, the butt of a joke, or be made to feel like a stupid idiot, worthless, hopeless. If I have any sense that any of these might play into reality I freeze up and don't do anything.
@selfdisciplinedLion4579
Last night I finished a business plan to take my personal back yard barbecue smoker and grow it into a business. From grassroots, to a Pop-up tent to a trailer or small shack, and even a pipe dream of a full restaurant. I had a few friends and family members read the business plan. Each one who read it was impressed with details and thought that went into it. My wife however was upset / mad with me for taking the initiative to start something on my own without her help. She said that I leave her out of the planing and process. But I was thinking that the business plan would help share my ideas and she could add some of her ideas to it. But she was still upset Even though I explained that most of the Business Plan was AI generated I proof read it and edited it as I needed.
Was I wrong to create a business plan?
What do I need to do?
After I read it all out she did say that it was a good start.
I don't know much about it but I don't think it was a bad idea at all. Maybe miscommunication because she maybe thought she was left out of the project even thought she wasn't. I also think it's your right to start projects yourself, have your own activities it's not like you took her money to launch your business. Does she have a tendency to be upset about small things (I ask because I'm a woman lol). Does she tend to want to be involved with everything you do ?
Don't take what I say too seriously thought because I'm not sure of what I say
@67Flo76
Thank you for the validation. I was on the brink of scraping the whole plan. With your positivity I plan on pushing forward. And yes she is a very emotional person that does get upset easily.
No one should have to grow up feeling like they have to shrink themselves just to get through the day. I understand that going through this can leave deep wounds, and I just want to acknowledge how strong you are for putting this into words. You mentioned that you're working on your business plan simultaneously, which shows so much resilience. You deserve to be heard and valued, and the effort you take matter. 💙😊
@Arseni
Thank you.
@selfdisciplinedLion4579
I have a lot of those same thoughts and did not grow up in an environment like that as a kid, so it's no wonder you have those feelings. I think a lot of times our mind says a lot of things that aren't true. I've been talking to people about challenging the narrative our brain tells us, because it's really just trying to protect you and all the trauma you have endured. Also having fierce self-compassion for ourselves and where we come from. A lot of those feelings definitely stem from the environment you grew up in, but it doesn't have to be like that forever.
Knowledge is power, and knowing this we can break the cycle, not talk to our children the same way, and change the neural pathways in our brains. Even just by paying attention to the thoughts and how often in a day we say mean things to ourselves we would never say to someone else.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, I'm glad chatgpt encouraged you to share because I'm sure there are a lot of people who can relate to this.
@lovingJoy3223
Thank you, I have been working on changing my way of thinking about myself. It's an ongoing battle, but I am going to keep trying.
Progress, not perfection! I say that to myself a lot.
You are welcome here. I hope you find love. The good kind of love. : P
Oh and thank you for sharing
