Rant - anxiety, loneliness, dropping out of uni
Hi everyone! I am new to this app so I don't really know how it works, however, i decided to give this app a shot. Sorry for any potential mistakes, English isn't my first language.
Lately, I haven't been doing really well. My anxiety was, is, and probably always will be there. It often controls my life and I am tired of how much impact it has on me. Not that long ago I have made a very hard decision - I dropped out of uni. Anxiety wasn't the biggest reason why but to some extent it played a role too. My uni wasn't really for me. I didn't like my course and I haven't made any friends as well. I am very reserved and don't let people in easily so I am aware that Im doing this to myself.
At uni, I was just constantly in my dorm room, alone. I felt like what I was learning was just not for me and honestly i wasn't good at it as well. So I made the decision to leave and next year I will be pursuing a different degree. I do not know how it works in the US or some other countries but I have studied a Bachelor degree and now I am applying to a school where there is a degree which is less than BA, which is honestly one of the reasons I am so worried about my future,but idk i feel like the few months here really destroyed me if that makes sense.
I never knew what I wanted to be in life and to put it quite frankly my choice of the uni course was done on a whim. I don’t really have hobbies, things to be interested in and I don’t know how to find those things. It just feels like there isn't anything for me here that would actually make me feel happy. Sometimes I feel like I am just floating here on Earth, that I am surviving, but not living, not enjoying the possibilities of world due to my anxiety, loneliness or perhaps cause of my whole character.
Also, I am often hard on myself and have these expectations that I cannot fulfil. Since I have made my decision to leave uni I have been feeling extremely guilty, ashamed, and embarrassed that I am unable to continue with my uni course, that I am so weak that I just can't suck it up and get the degree. I feel like I failed people around me but most of all I failed myself.
Sorry for my rant. I realize this text is quite inconsistent but I just wanted to share my feelings.
Hi! @VeronikaT thank you for sharing
✨🙏🏽✨
We all go thru difficult decisions in life -like leaving Uni, and it can be very challenging, may I kindly suggest to be kinder to yourself please? You are your own best friend, you need your support on this decision and also on the way you are feeling now: “this too, shall pass”
In order to find a hobby, start with little steps towards your curiosity: what are you curious about? What would you like to discover? Just one day at a time…
Sending you lots of good energy ✨
Hi, thank you for your kind message! The thing is... school was always my number one priority and when I don't have school I have basically nothing. So i genuinely do not know what I am interested in. I know that sounds sad but it is the truth.
Hi @VeronikaT ✨
it doesn’t sound sad, that was your priority and right now you might be on an “in between” - this time where you don’t like anything and you don’t know what’s next or when 🙂✨
How about enjoying this time for yourself? Maybe with very small things that you like or a little walk? Do you like to dance? Maybe playing your favourite song and moving your body in front of your mirror…? Maybe feeling the Sun outside or touching a tree…?
Sending good vibes✨
Hey @VeronikaT
First off, welcome to Cups! My name is Rose, I'm also new here and came across your post by chance. I feel like there's a lot to address in your post, but I'll just say one thing. University isn't for everyone and it's okay to feel guilty, ashamed, and all sorts of feelings about dropping out. No one has the same experience as you are the expert in your story.
If you ever need someone to rant to or listen to you, you could browse our listeners or request for a listener :). I hope this helps.