The torture that comes with being in this type of condition

I feel that I don’t belong on this planet and if I had a choice I would choose not to exist at all - if my brain disabling condition is going to be nothing but a burden both to myself and my family. Even though I try to see myself in a better place ten years from now, I can't bear to think what the future holds. I continue being troubled by thoughts of hurting myself in a very brutal way because of the severe depression and other severe mental health issues stemming from being on the autism spectrum and not being able to make any progress. If my condition was even more severe, I would want to be euthanised in the same way the severely mentally disabled should be euthanised.