12 years
It’s been 12 long years, a long lasting depression. With a lot of pain, loneliness and guilt. It ruins everything i do, everyone next to me. 2 years ago I’ve met someone.. she made me so incredibly happy. For the first time after a long time i was feeling happiness. I won’t say the whole story, i will go straight to the point. She left 3 weeks ago, I was still struggling with my depression but that gave me the final blow. It’s been 3 incessant weeks of pure pain, both physically and mentally. I am not proud to say there are dark thoughts in my mind.. I think you all can guess what I mean, it’s becoming stronger after each day. And I am unable to fight back, I don’t want to let myself go.. but it feels like it’s the only way. I don’t know what to do. Soon I will be 22, but i am not sure to be able to get to that day.
That is a rough blow. I am sorry. Depression does indeed come in waves. But the fact that you felt happiness before means that you can feel it again. When I get really low with my chronic depression, I remind myself of that a lot. The wave may be a bad one but I managed to find my way out before.
So how do you do that and keep yourself going into age 22? Start with the basics. Are you eating healthy and drinking enough fluids to function? Without physical energy the depression worsens. Are you getting outside?
Then, do you have any network of friends, family, therapists, or doctors that you have called on in the past? They can really help now.
You can also feel free to come here any time and vent on this thread. I answer usually within 24 hours. @Simon003
I am currently eating and drinking properly, I have a bit of trouble sleeping. I am not going out, and I don't have many friends or a therapist, To make sense of this.. I moved to another country for 2 years. When I returned to my home country I found that there is not much left, only my family which is not very large. And I feel very weak with no energy.
I can't do anything at the moment, even waking up is tiring.