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Jenna profile picture
5 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone on the Autism Spectrum
by Jenna
Last post
February 20th
...See more Although the general public has become more aware of autism, there’s still a long way to go. The autistic community has commonly been told some phrases that we frankly don’t want to hear. These comments can be ignorant and hurtful, even with good intentions. Here are five things you shouldn’t say to someone on the autism spectrum. 1) “You can’t possibly be autistic” Why would you flat-out deny something I know I am? It’s not up to you to decide who is autistic! We often get this comment when others hear that we have a relationship, a job, a child, or an educational qualification. They become skeptical and say, “But you’re doing so well. You can’t possibly be autistic!” Unusually, we also get this from those who are very familiar with autism. A parent might say, “You’re not autistic! You’re nothing like my autistic child who can’t do anything independently.” The truth is that everyone with autism is different and a diagnosis is not destiny. We consider it prejudiced to assume that autistic people are all lost causes who can’t possibly succeed in life. We can be capable of so much if we have an open mind. 2) “You must be good at math” Not this misconception again! We get it, you’ve heard too many negative things about autism and you want to compliment us instead. But again, we’re all different. People on the autism spectrum have just as much variety as those outside it. This includes our abilities, which don’t always match the media stereotype. Some of us are great at math and some of us are terrible. Some of us are natural with computers and some of us are technologically illiterate. Some of us are savants and some of us struggle intellectually. Just like you, there’s no single profile of our mental abilities. Putting some abilities on a pedestal can exclude autistic people who lack those abilities and make them feel inferior. 3) “You don’t look autistic. You seem so normal” What does this even mean? How does someone look autistic? How does someone look normal? We’re physically no different from the rest of you. There’s no way for someone to look autistic at all. This comment is even worse if this is supposed to be a compliment. It suggests that seeming “autistic” is inferior and seeming “normal” is an ideal standard. We’re just different from you and we don’t want to be forced to be someone we’re not. 4) “What’s it like to be autistic?” What a strange and generic question. I might as well ask you, “What’s it like to be not autistic?” We don’t even know where to begin to answer this. Being autistic is everything we know. It’s in every single experience we have from day to day. Also, there’s no unified autistic life experience. Every autistic person has their own unique life, with experiences different from the others. Are there any experiences that are universally shared between all of us? Sure. We all get asked these silly questions. 5) “Everyone’s on the autism spectrum” No, they’re not. Trust me. Those who make this comment are suggesting that everyone understands and shares our struggles to some degree. Is this supposed to make us feel better? Well, it doesn’t work, because it’s a totally false suggestion. Others don’t know what it’s like to be autistic and never will. As funny as it is to say, only autistic people are autistic. This comment isn’t reassuring, it’s totally dismissive of our unique struggles and experiences. Have you heard any of the comments mentioned in the article? References Brown, L. (2012, February 27). 15 Things You Should Never Say To An Autistic. AWN. https://awnnetwork.org/15-things-you-should-never-say-to-an-autistic/ Hirschberg, E. (2017, December 13). What To Say & What Not To Say To Someone With Autism. Research Autism. https://researchautism.org/what-to-say-what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-autism/ [https://researchautism.org/what-to-say-what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-autism/] Stout, A. (2016, July 6). 11 Things Not to Say to Someone with Autism. The Autism Site. https://blog.theautismsite.greatergood.com/dont-say-autism/ [https://blog.theautismsite.greatergood.com/dont-say-autism/] credit [x [https://psych2go.net/5-things-you-shouldnt-say-to-someone-on-the-autism-spectrum/]]
Jenna profile picture
The Struggle of Being Autistic and Identifying Emotions
by Jenna
Last post
November 26th, 2024
...See more **Disclaimer** I cannot and do not speak for all autistic people. As an autistic person, one of the biggest challenges I face is identifying and understanding my emotions. It’s not that I don’t feel emotions. In fact, I often experience them intensely, but I struggle to recognize and label them. This disconnect between feeling something deeply and not being able to articulate it can be confusing and overwhelming. Sometimes, emotions feel like a wave crashing over me, but I can't tell if it's sadness, anger, or frustration. Other times, I know something is off, but I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is. It's like having a whirlwind of feelings inside but no clear way to describe the storm. I might react to something, and later when I reflect, I realize I was angry or anxious, but in the moment, it was just a blur of overwhelming sensations. The process of identifying emotions can feel even more daunting for many autistic people because there’s often pressure to explain how they're feeling to others, but finding the right words doesn’t come easily. I tend to rely more on physical cues, like noticing if my body is tense, my breathing shallow, or my heart racing, as a way to recognize what I’m feeling. Sometimes it’s easier to express a feeling through a sound, like a sigh or groan, than to find the exact word to describe it. What adds to the challenge is that neurotypical people often expect quick, clear emotional responses. But for many of us with autism or neurodivergence, emotions take time to process. It can feel like we're on a delay, needing space to sit with what’s going on inside before we can understand or talk about it. I’ve had to learn that it’s okay to take that time and not rush to name my emotions if I’m not ready. Being autistic means we process the world differently, and that includes emotions. It’s a journey to understand them, and sometimes, we have to be patient with ourselves, accepting that we don’t always have the answers right away. I’ve learned to explore my emotions through journaling, creating art, or even just sitting with a feeling without trying to label it immediately. The struggle to identify emotions is real, but over time, I’ve come to see it as part of my unique way of experiencing life. For anyone else out there who shares this struggle, know that it’s okay not to have everything figured out all at once. Emotions can be complex, and finding your own way of understanding them is a process. Why Is It Difficult? * Alexithymia: A significant number of autistic people experience alexithymia, a condition where we struggle to identify and describe our own emotions. This doesn’t mean we don’t feel emotions; instead, we find it hard to pinpoint what those emotions are or how they connect to our experiences. For example, someone might feel an overwhelming physical sensation (like a knot in their stomach) but may not realize that they are anxious or upset. * Sensory Overload: Many autistic people experience sensory sensitivities, which can lead to sensory overload. When overwhelmed by stimuli like loud noises, bright lights, or even social environments, the body and mind can react intensely. In these situations, it can be hard to differentiate between physical discomfort and emotional states. For instance, an environment that feels overstimulating may trigger frustration, but the frustration itself might be difficult to separate from the overwhelming sensory input. * Nuanced Emotions: Emotions often come in layers or blends (e.g., feeling both happy and sad at the same time). Identifying these complex emotional states can be challenging for anyone, but for those on the spectrum, this complexity can feel especially confusing. Autistic people might struggle to name nuanced emotions, such as feeling bittersweet, relieved but nervous, or nostalgic. * Social-Emotional Processing: Interpreting others’ emotions can also be difficult, which in turn complicates identifying one's own emotions. Social cues that neurotypical individuals pick up on such as facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language may be harder to interpret for those on the spectrum. This can create a disconnection between what an autistic person feels internally and how they understand the emotional dynamics around them. * Communication Barriers: Language may not always feel like an appropriate tool for expressing emotions. Many autistic people may struggle with verbalizing their feelings, not because they don’t understand them, but because words don’t seem to fully capture the intensity or quality of what they’re experiencing. Non-verbal expressions like sounds, movements, or even art can sometimes be more effective than trying to 'find the right words.' The Emotional Disconnect Because emotions and their physical manifestations may not always align clearly, autistic individuals can experience a sense of emotional disconnect. For instance, they may feel strong emotions but not show them in a way that others expect, leading to misunderstandings in social situations. Conversely, they may appear visibly upset or anxious without being fully aware of the underlying emotional cause. Strategies for Identifying Emotions * Body Awareness: Focusing on physical sensations can be a starting point for identifying emotions. For example, noticing a tightness in the chest may signal stress or anxiety, while a lightness in the body might indicate joy. By tuning into these signals, individuals can begin to make connections between what they feel physically and emotionally. * Emotional Charts or Apps: Visual aids, such as emotion charts or mood-tracking apps, can be helpful for identifying emotions. These break down emotions into basic categories, making it easier to recognize patterns and link feelings to specific experiences. * Routine Emotional Check-ins: Scheduling regular emotional check-ins throughout the day can help build emotional awareness. Asking questions like, “How do I feel right now?” and “What might have caused this feeling?” can develop a habit of reflection, helping us recognize emotions more readily over time. * Creative Expression: Art, music, or other creative outlets can be powerful ways to express emotions when words aren’t enough. Drawing how an emotion feels, playing a musical piece that reflects a mood, or even writing poetry can offer alternative avenues for emotional understanding and communication. * Seeking Support: Working with a therapist or counselor experienced in autism can also provide valuable insights. These professionals can guide us through recognizing our emotions and offering techniques and frameworks that are tailored to our specific needs and experiences. Being autistic doesn’t mean someone is emotionless or lacks empathy; rather, it means their emotional landscape might operate differently. By acknowledging these challenges and providing supportive tools and strategies, we can foster greater emotional self-awareness and communication for autistic people. With understanding, patience, and compassion, we can help create a space where identifying and expressing emotions feels safe and achievable.
tommy profile picture
Autism Automated Taglist!
by tommy
Last post
October 24th, 2024
...See more Welcome to the Autism Taglist This thread is an auto-updating list. The list is regularly updated by forum leaders and can be found below. Having issues? Reply below and someone will help you! Why should I join the taglist? ✔ Never miss out on sub-community check-ins, discussions or events ✔ Get tagged and notified by community leaders whenever a new relevant thread has been posted ✔ Become a more active member of the community. What do I need to do? ✅ To add yourself to this taglist, press the Post to Thread button below and write the exact words Please add me. ❌ To remove yourself from this taglist, press the Post to Thread button below and write the exact words Please remove me. ------------------------- Current taglist as of 29 Dec (updated by tommy) @Alwayshungry983 @AutiBoy @azuladragon34 @beck1 @courteousCoconut2519 @Fozziewozzie @GwydionRowan @HarmonyBlossom @HatsEatYou @Howegeorgia @Jenna @JovianPlutonian @JustMeUwU @llemonz @LoveMyMoonflowers @NeurospicyGirl @NightOwl2003 @pineapple7722 @Plantsaremybestfriends @RainbowRosie @sentientape @silentbuster26 @SillyBlue32 @SleepyShyCat @smolLITTLEpotato @softParadise5949 @Stasia86 @StressedGirl @SunnyCat0 @teenytinyturtle @theboymoana @tommy @Trosclair03 @Twigo7 @unassumingPeach6421 @Vivikun9 @wishfulWillow6962 @Zahrian2112
NASmember1984 profile picture
The torture that comes with being in this type of condition
by NASmember1984
Last post
1 day ago
...See more I feel that I don’t belong on this planet and if I had a choice I would choose not to exist at all - if my brain disabling condition is going to be nothing but a burden both to myself and my family. Even though I try to see myself in a better place ten years from now, I can't bear to think what the future holds. I continue being troubled by thoughts of hurting myself in a very brutal way because of the severe depression and other severe mental health issues stemming from being on the autism spectrum and not being able to make any progress. If my condition was even more severe, I would want to be euthanised in the same way the severely mentally disabled should be euthanised.
kindPlum3198 profile picture
just questions
by kindPlum3198
Last post
2 days ago
...See more i’m really young, probably far too young to be using this app. i consider myself very mature and able to communicate effectively, so it may seem that i’m older than my actual age. i can’t tell if my autism is the source of my depression and anxiety, but something is causing me to be the “mom” of the party. i feel like while everyone my age is having fun, living their dreams, hanging out with friends, going to parties and getting into trouble, all i want to do is sit down and watch a movie. and no, i dont think it’s fun to just sit down and watch a movie, i just do it because if i do really go out and do those things ill be miserable and anxious. all i ever wanted was to have a good childhood yet i still act and deal with adult-like problems. just imagine how my life would be later on my teenage years. i’m only at the very beginning. my life is so unfulfilling, i put everyone’s needs before my own. i hate everything about life and there’s nothing i can do to have fun. i’m so discontent waking up every day. (i am not suicidal or homicidal)
Rainbow8989 profile picture
Seeking advice on managing Asperger symptom
by Rainbow8989
Last post
3 days ago
...See more Hi, I just get diagnosed with ASD recently. I’ve noise sensitivity to coughing, and sound of hmmm, as previously I experience fear to people, always hiding my face as I’ve OCD as well with intrusive thought about how other think I’m a freak. I always cough when I see people in front of me, or passing by, and it wasn’t done on purpose, and there’s guilt to people around me. As I recovered from social anxiety, OCD, GAD, I developed the sound sensitivity and have anger issue with those sound. Even though I’ve tried to get use to noise by being a noisy person, the sound still make me find it hard to focus and think in a way that can help me to improve my work. I constantly have to remind myself to ignore the sound, and it make half of my brain working on my task, which mean I only manage to get my work done, but unable to improve it. As an Asperger, I found social hard, and just take off the mask cuz I find it too tiring to think about other and losing myself. I would like to ask for advice to help manage the symptoms and get promotion at work. sincerely, thanks in advance for any advice, Rachel
MorningDewHorizon profile picture
TW: A mom who hates her own child?
by MorningDewHorizon
Last post
Thursday
...See more So, I just wanted to share something I hadn’t really thought about before: how parents feel about their autistic children. I volunteer in a certain group, a baby café and other activities for parents. My job is to prepare refreshments for them when they meet to share their daily lives. I haven’t been working there for long, and today I heard something that really shocked me, how some parents actually talk about their autistic children. "It was better before she was born," one of them said. I find it really difficult to hear someone say that so openly. Of course, people are allowed to express themselves! She was talking about how her daughter’s autism affects her life negatively, but what struck me was how overwhelmingly negative she was. She described her daughter as "stupid" and even went so far as to say, "I almost hope she gets hit by a car." I was honestly really angry when I heard it. I have no idea what the person she was talking to thought about her words. I wish I could have said something, but what good would it have done? After all, everyone is there for a sense of community. But I felt both angry and sad that someone could wish harm on their own child. I really hope she gets help with her perspective on her daughter because it sounds like she truly needs support.... I’ve been thinking about this all day, and next week I’ll probably meet the same mom again. Deep down, I want to talk to her about what she said, but at the same time, I feel like I should just let it go. What would you have done if you were in my shoes?
NASmember1984 profile picture
Struggling to meet expectations from family
by NASmember1984
Last post
Thursday
...See more As an autistic adult suffering from severe depression stemming from a lack of patience from the people in my family, I see myself as better off living in an autism-friendly special needs accommodation where I will have the mental health support I need and will receive help in navigating through life whilst managing my condition. I shouldn't have to continue living in a toxic family household within a toxic environment that is not even considered autism-friendly, all I've done is spend all day treading on eggshells around my parents ESPECIALLY my dad - no wonder I'm severely depressed and find myself becoming bitter towards others.
brightApricot5182 profile picture
Seeking advice for my young, amazing, neuro divergent son
by brightApricot5182
Last post
Thursday
...See more Hello to all who are reading. I'm writing today seeking first validation and second advice for ways to cope with autistic fatigue and burnout.  My son Abel is on the spectrum. He is 7 years old and verbal. He got his diagnosis at age 4. In fact his daycare had prompted us to get him evaluated at age 3. It didn't take long for the diagnosis, approximately 9 months. We have embraced and encouraged him in every way that we know how.  He has a sister who is very close to him in age, she is 6. She is neuro typical. They are very different. I never compare the two as they are both amazing and wonderful in my eyes.  Fast forward to now. Abel is in the first grade. He has an IEP but spends the majority of his time in a typical classroom setting. He attends speech and occupational therapy at school also additional help in reading outside of the classroom. I pick him up an hour early on Friday to attend OT at an autism services center.  His teacher has been expressing to me for a long time that Abel falls asleep in class. At first I thought maybe we should adjust his bedtime. So I did that. He and his sister got to bed at the exact same time every night, same bedtime routine. Well, that didn't solve the problem. The teacher would continue to message me saying he is still sleeping in class. So I thought maybe he is on his tablet too much before bed. He is a gamer at heart. He is still young and enjoys Roblox. I myself am not a gamer but I find it's a way I can connect with him, so I enjoy it when he gives me a glimpse of his life on Roblox. He doesn't have to worry about stressful social interaction or masking his autistic traits on there. Anyway, I have tried to limit his tablet time before bed due to falling asleep in class. Nope, no results. Teacher still telling me he's always very tired and I should know. I must tell you, Abel is a sweet, sensitive, rather shy boy. He has never cried to me about not having any friends until this year. He has cried out of the blue saying and I quote "I just want someone with me at school" I asked him what he meant and he said "a friend". I went so far as to throw him a birthday party, karate themed as he is in karate. I sent invites to the whole class. Not one student showed up. He is in a class of 20. So as a mom this hurts because I want to help but I can't go to school with him.  I had a couple of meetings with his teacher in which she expressed concern about his reading level and sleeping in class. I thought this was the perfect time to express my concerns to her about him feeling isolated from his peers. Making him dislike school. Maybe she could encourage some mingling amongst the children.  When we met it was half way through the school year. As we are talking she is telling me he's very quiet and his behavior is great but he does better in one on one settings. I was not shocked to hear this as it sounded very much like him. Then I mentioned he's been feeling lonely and she reacted as sympathetic and quickly changed the subject. Then I had mentioned him being on the spectrum and she goes "oh you say he's on the spectrum, ok" then again quickly changed the subject almost like she's uncomfortable with talking about it, like it's not COMPLETELY RELEVANT. I'm not sorry he's on the spectrum. I don't throw a parade about it every time I meet with someone because it doesn't define him as a person but I certainly take into account that he has a different set of needs than the average child.  Anyway the meetings are getting me nowhere. I don't feel heard by his teacher I don't think Abel is having an easy time at school. Then I got another message from his teacher literally as I'm in my car in line at school to pick him and his sister up. She messages me and says "Abel is very tired he's falling asleep right now" so I politely message her back saying thank you for letting me know. Then I got to thinking when Abel was being diagnosed in the early stages, they would always ask me if he tires easily. Then I looked it up and discovered something called Autistic Fatigue/Burnout. I read about it and realized this is probably what's going on.  Does anyone with autism have any experience with this? What should I do to help and get his teacher to understand? 
cs2143 profile picture
Autistic and in a mental health ward
by cs2143
Last post
Thursday
...See more I've found myself in a mental health ward and I suffer from autism, what advice is there.
jesusredeemedme2425 profile picture
Autism-Friendly Clothing
by jesusredeemedme2425
Last post
Thursday
...See more What’s some really good autism friendly clothing that can be ordered on Amazon?
Omnia52 profile picture
borderline personality
by Omnia52
Last post
March 3rd
...See more Can borderline personality disorder recover?
sillyshark5555 profile picture
Toothbrushing
by sillyshark5555
Last post
March 3rd
...See more Hello! As an autistic person with depression i have a really hard time brushing my teeth. It used to be easier as a kid because my mom is very particular about oral health and would make sure me and my brother would always brush before bed. Although I did often gag and hated the texture of tooth brushes and toothpaste and still do, I wouldn’t complain. She stopped reminding us and expected us to do it on our own the more we grew up and by the time i was in middle school there were only occasional reminders around dentists appointments. As a teen and as an adult now I struggle to remember or get motivation to brush my teeth on my own. I have to use kids sized toothbrushes still because any sizes bigger irritates me too much. I don’t floss because of similar sensory issues. It’s quite frustrating when people notice that my teeth are more yellow and point it out, it makes me feel insecure and embarrassed. I do still try to brush my teeth at least once a week with water most of the time whenever I get the motivation to force myself to do it and I occasionally use teeth whiteners because my teeth are stained yellow. I drink a lot of tea so between that and not brushing as much as i should, i have yellow teeth even when i do brush from the staining. Does anyone have any tips on how to make brushing my teeth easier? Maybe a way to help with the sensory overload of it?
jesusredeemedme2425 profile picture
Deep, Thought-Provoking Memes
by jesusredeemedme2425
Last post
March 2nd
...See more Post your deep, thought-provoking memes here!
Tierra7cups28 profile picture
About Me
by Tierra7cups28
Last post
March 2nd
...See more My name is Tierra I'm 28 i have been diagnosed with ( ASD) and the reason why I want to come on here is because I needed someone to talk to someone who understands me very well. This is my first time joining this app and I really think it would work for me :) I enjoy painting my artwork in my freetime but I need more support and help to get outside of things and feel a lot happier:) 💚

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